Raw and Uncut

By Dorothy Marie

*This is not my conventional writing style. This is raw and merciless. If you cannot handle that, or do not want to handle that do not read this. If you will mock me for it, I do not care if you read this or not, but your words will not hurt me anymore than I hurt when I wrote this awhile ago.*

I've blocked all this feeling for so long.
Criticized and despised, mocked for being like this.
Rejected for my emotions.

No more.
I love my emotions.
I am no one without them.

How could I have ever ignored them
for so long?

Love, so much love that you burst with energy

Hate, not so much hate, but enough to set your ears on fire

Jealousy, like hate, but with a sickness in the pit of your stomach

Nervousness, sweating palms and floating stomach

Upset, Anxiety, all the sickness

Joy, enough so you embrace everything in sight

Sorrow, ripping your heart directly from your chest, leaving a dark empty space between your ribs

Foolishness, a childish carefree levity

All the emotions I love to experience, all that made me myself
I have them back now
I never realized how much i missed them
Their motives are so abstract

Love, a warmth inside your body,
like when your hands are freezing,
and someone grasps them to warm them.

Like all you are just pours out of you
into the one you love,
and you don't even have to touch them,
yet it draws you closer.

The farther away you are,
the more their heart strings pull at yours,
just little constant tortorous tugs like it's being torn out of you

Sorrow, when someone takes a dagger
and shoves it through your sternum.
Then uses rib spreaders to thrust your unwilling breast open
so they can tear out your heart
and make you watch them consume it while you still feel it.
Then reaches back into your empty hole and feels around,
searching for any joy left and steals all the tiny pieces left behind.
Nothing left but a void with your chest closed around it.
A big hole.

They are the ones I used to feel constantly.
The raw ones that feel so good, so real.
The ones I missed so much.

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