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How I Left By: R.A.B. on 3/10/2004; 3:36 AM To the moon we go, with a thousand daffodils in tow-- with our hearts beating as one-- with our hands swinging as one. To the cliff we go-- with Kyle's tombstone my one, and with my shovel in tow-- as I dig a grave only for one. Only for one-- For I left you with the man-- and, with, the daffodils, My half of our beating hearts, and the hands-- that were swinging as one.
RE: How I Left By: Sonny Harman on 3/12/2004; 10:13 AM This is pretty cool-- do you plan on setting it to music? The flow is good, but (and I don't mean to sound...rude...I guess) but the second stanza isn't like the first and last, so unless that was intentional, I think perhaps changing the second line with some small revision. Also, the last line of the first stanza, perhaps the rhyme could be changed? "one" and "one" is perhaps a little redundant for the voice of the poem. It has a cool voice and theme, though. I like it. Wish I could write like that.
RE: How I Left By: Gene Santos on 3/12/2004; 2:12 PM ANGSTY!It's good to be back...
RE: How I Left By: R.A.B. on 3/12/2004; 7:44 PM Indeed. Good to be back ^____^ Thanks for the comments =) I guess the overuse of repetition came from too much listening to Radiohead music. Paying attention paying attention paying attention paying attention paying attention...woops...
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