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Reflectist

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Reflectist
By: Ben C on 3/23/2003; 1:52 AM

i’m not convinced standing here


being so I move a little nearer

and graze my hand along my face

to watch it trace

the contours in the mirror



the only part that fits the picture

are my eyes unstubborn and resigned

form the image I thought to see

sad staring back to me

the rest is resolute, is well defined



i’m worrying standing here

and I stare into the white

i stare and stare and stare

rest my head against the clear

and head to head I fear



head to head against my doggie’s fur

i rest it there and let him purr

and I realize the pointlessness in

being surprised

when someone says they’ve let you in



my doggie says that everyday

and wags his tail and gets his way

i think he might be my only friend

i mean I hit him harder than I should say

but he just smiles n'begs "again, again"


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RE: Reflectist
By: Rachelle King on 3/21/2003; 3:30 PM

My only criticism of this piece is the use of "And" too much at the beginning of lines. For instance:


I’m not convinced standing here

being so I move a little nearer

graze my hand along my face

watch it trace

contours in the mirror



Otherwise, the piece has great imagery and I especially like the lines
"The only part that fits the picture
Are my eyes unstubborn and resigned"


Is the dog symbolic of something else, or are you really guilty of "being to rough" with him?



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RE: Reflectist
By: R.A.B. on 3/21/2003; 5:32 PM

Rachelle's right. I think it if you substituted some of the "and's" with punctuation marks the poem's rhythm would be more consistent and better for auditory stimulation. Anyway theme is great.

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RE: Reflectist
By: Ben C on 3/24/2003; 8:25 PM

Punctuation is pointless; in a words-speak-for-themselves sorta way. What, like a "," here? A "--" somewhere else? Seems like way too much effort for such a lacklustre pome.

P.S. If I had a dog, I would probably not beat him. And if I did (beat him), I probably wouldn't care.

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RE: Reflectist
By: R.A.B. on 3/23/2003; 5:51 PM

You've got a point there.

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RE: Reflectist
By: Rachelle King on 3/26/2003; 1:42 PM

P.S. If I had a dog, I would probably not beat him. And if I did (beat him), I probably wouldn't care.

umm, o-k.

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RE: Reflectist
By: Ben C on 3/26/2003; 2:37 PM

haha, what? there's no room for morbid comedy on this site? oh well. let me know...

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RE: Reflectist
By: R.A.B. on 3/27/2003; 7:10 PM

Morbid comedy is all over this site.

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RE: Reflectist
By: Rachelle King on 3/28/2003; 12:53 AM

yes, yes, I luv dark comedy, but I didn't know that's where you were going with it...sorry =)

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RE: Reflectist
By: Chie Theresa Fujioka on 4/3/2003; 5:19 AM

Isn't there something more than dark humour to this piece?

For instance, first, he's looking at his reflection. Looking at his unstubborn eyes of defeat? Why is he not convinced? Of what? So you look at the next stanza. Again, those eyes, but much closer this time. So then, "I realize the pointlessness in being surprised when someone says they?ve let you in." The only thing I can think of, is love, in this sense. Someone's let you in, and you just can't believe it? or yourself? or what? And then his dog, wants to see him everyday, no matter how much he hurts the dog.

This reminds me, of me.

I wonder though, Ben, does this havea deeper meaning? Are you afraid to bring it out, simply disguising it in this semi humourous reference to a masochistic dog? I know I'm cruel to my friends... they're cruel to me as well, in our own needing ways. I'm even worse to myself, but hey, keep coming back.

I guess what really struck me was the staring into the mirror. Because that's where I think to myself.

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RE: Reflectist
By: R.A.B. on 4/3/2003; 11:30 PM

could be. The poem can be a metaphor of some sort but it's a little vague if you ask me. There's no solid evidence that he's pertaining to his friends or anybody else.

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RE: Reflectist
By: Ben C on 4/4/2003; 10:41 AM

ha!

oh, there's evidence baby.

firstly, the only stupid/dark humour to be spoken of, was one of my replies to the R.A.B. P.S. If I had a dog, I would probably not beat him. And if I did (beat him), I probably wouldn't care. ------- Do you want me to actually spell this poem out for you peeps? I think that might ruin it, somewhat, wouldn't it?

I often don't really think of structure or themes b4 writing anything, and find myself discovering stuff while rereading my own crap. Many rereads are necessary (well for me at least). I don't think this poem is very demanding of that, but inanycase, i'm flattered by your extensive commentary. I enjoy finding out that any letters i've recorded in sequence have somehow made someone think, although... much of those sequential-letter-attempts are trite, and fail miserably.

anywho. later, b

check out the enclosure p.s. -->

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RE: Reflectist
By: R.A.B. on 4/4/2003; 6:14 PM

Cool enclosure, were'd you get it man?

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RE: Reflectist
By: Chie Theresa Fujioka on 4/9/2003; 7:50 AM

HUH??? Is that a fight?

Man, I fight with punches and kicks.

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