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Words Of Eyes By: Zares Kurtoga on 10/3/2002; 11:05 AM Sealed sections of desperation, In green sheets of paper. So near, yet so far; Nails Of grotesque dig into the streets of stereotype, Flesh, and white powder. Through the pieces of a dream, Darkened pathways interjected with strands of light Shadowed beings out of sight. Discarded matter construct the tapestry Of an unfinished scream.
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Richard Davidson on 9/3/2002; 7:57 PM Very nice. You should consider putting it on a Hallmark card. (Just kidding) I like "Discarded matter construct the tapestry Of an unfinished scream." That part is cool.
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Zares Kurtoga on 9/6/2002; 12:55 PM Thanks Richard
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Rachelle King on 9/7/2002; 2:02 PM Yeah that part is pretty dope, Zares. Along with the first line.
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Zares Kurtoga on 9/8/2002; 3:05 AM Thanks guys...Well Rachelle, It was supposed to be two lines (after the comma) But I am just too plain lazy to reformat.....Well, Any suggestions to make it better? I am particularly concerned about the punctuation... Sincerely, Kaj
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Rachelle King on 9/9/2002; 4:38 PM Usually in poetry the only punctuation used is specifically to convey emphasis. For instance, at the end of a complete idea, or description. Now, a complete idea doesn't nessesarily mean one or two lines; it could be a whole stanza. I would also reconsider capitalizing the first letter of every line, unless it is a new concept or element to the poem. For instance: He used to tell me I spoke of humanity with a tongue like "ancient flower petals." Only the first and second lines are capitalized. The first, because it is the begining of a whole thought or concept. The second is only capitalized because it begins with "I." The only punctuation is the period at the end of the thought and the quotation marks to inform my reader that these words are "found" words; meaning they are not my own. With poetry, the rule of thumb is always to stay away from as much punctuation as possible. You want the reader to flow through the words without getting hug-up on punctation that is usually heplful in reading stories and other pieces of creative writing. Personally, I believe it is totally up to the author. I hate conformist poetry only written to please an editor or publisher's tastes. So I say do what you want, or follow the examples of a favorite poet. The best way to learn to write has always been reading someone else's writing. Hope this helps a little...
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Zares Kurtoga on 10/3/2002; 11:07 AM Hey Rachelle, I tried to do stuff with the punctuation.Let me know what you think. Thanks Kaj
RE: Words Of Eyes By: Rachelle King on 10/3/2002; 5:07 PM It seems to flow more. I like it!
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