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Niggly Bop and the Quest For Toilet Paper Part 6: Faith, Philosophy, and Fish By: Evan on 8/20/2002; 8:34 PM "Well Niggly Bop, it's going to get really strange from hereon out." "Stranger than being wrapped in licorice by a large group of rubber chickens and being locked up by their master, who also sell hot dogs, escaping and rescuing a goat with a filthy mouth while being chased by the chickens and an anal sasquatch?" "Indeedy. Everyone in Streadhimup is a religious fanatic to a degree. Every single person there is a priest of hundreds of their gods." "Okey dokey, ummm what"s a god?" "It's a being that people believe to be responsible for various things." "Believe?" "Yes, if you think something about a state of being without knowing for certain its existence." "Why would anyone do that? If you can?t know it then how do any of these beliefs exist?" "Well the odds are that there is some greater hidden truth to these beliefs that has gradually gotten distorted by embellishments over time." "Embellishment? Is that a type of fish?" "No. In fact I can?t even think of a word remotely resembling embellishment that is the name of a fish. Why in the world would you think that it?s a fish?" "The only time anything is distorted in any way for me has been due to eating bad fish, or getting a fish shoved up one of my nostrils." "What would a fish be doing up your nostril?" "Distorting things." "What I mean is, why on earth would you want a fish up your nostril distorting things?" "Well, what else am I going to do during my free time after milking cats?" "Hmmmm...... Ever tried developing some hobbies?" "That"s what the fish was. It's the Icpoto pastime, we stick fish up our nasal passage. Other than that and whatever we do to contribute to the community, not much goes on back home." "I think I?m beginning to understand why you're disaffected with your society. What surprises me though is that the vast majority of your society seems to support a complete lack of social activity, do you guys even talk with each other?" "Well we don?t usually talk unless we need something, or the vampire bunny rabbits are attacking." "Hmm well that's very interesting, but we seem to have gone off on a tangent and I haven't really explained embellishment to you yet." "What's a tangent?" "Well it's a diversion... No wait, we're not going to go off on a tangent about what a tangent is!!!!" "But I want to know new things, that's the big reason I set off into the world." "Well then, a tangent is a thingy." "Okey dokey, I think I understand now." "Whew, that worked," Fred mutters under his breath. "So if a tangent is a thingy, what causes belief?" "That is one of the fundamental questions about the nature of humanity (The others of course being, Why are hotdogs and hotdog buns sold in different numbers per package? What would you do for a Klondike Bar? and Why mayn't I pee in the sink?). "I"m working on it but being a devout believer that some sort of being created the universe for a purpose, I may not be capable of discerning the truth of the matter. I suggest you just watch the people in town." Suddenly, a billion three-eyed ducks materialized around them, farted and began to whistle "The Bridge over the River Kwai." After about 30 seconds the ducks disappeared. "What was that?" Fred asked Niggly Bop. "A lot of ducks that appeared, farted, whistled, and disappeared." "I can't believe that just happened." "Wait, so you can believe something you don't see and not believe something you did see?" "Well, yes. You've never experienced anything that made you doubt your senses?" "Only when I stick..." "A fish up your nose, yes we've been through this already. How about we just forget about the fish and the ducks and head on into town to locate the toilet paper."
RE: Niggly Bop and the Quest For Toilet Paper Part 6: Faith, Philosophy, and Fish By: Evan on 8/20/2002; 8:38 PM Dang indentation, I can never get it right. Oh well, I hope you guys like this unusually serious piece of work for me. Incidentally, the line "Embellishment, is that a type of fish?" line had me laughing for months. I should probably seek professional help immediately. Oh and I should have part 7 up in the next couple of weeks as I return to my dorm room, where I can have some quiet to write and run around in my underwear singing "Up in the Air Junior Birdmen".
RE: Niggly Bop and the Quest For Toilet Paper Part 6: Faith, Philosophy, and Fish By: Richard Davidson on 8/21/2002; 1:03 PM I like the fish up the nose. That's my favorite part.
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