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what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 9/17/2004; 7:01 AM Removed at the request of the author.
RE: what should i do By: Richard Davidson on 5/22/2002; 8:42 PM Oh Andrew. When I was 19 years old, I came home one day, and all my bags were packed. My father, a Scotsman, stood at the top of the stairs, and explained. "You're moving out," he told me with a barely hidden grin. He was quite thrilled to be getting rid of me. I was completely unaware of the realities of life. When I was 19, my dad was the biggest asshole I knew. I couldn't believe how unfair my life was, and I had problems similar to you. Here's what you do: 1. Go ahead and graduate from high school. This is a good thing for you, and it will really show them. 2. Stop being disrespectful to your father. He's worked hard your whole life to make sure you have food and clothes, bought you a car, and even PAYED FOR THE HOTEL ROOM when he kicked you out!?!?!! You've got a need for this man to pay for your college, and you're actually asking US what you should do? For God's sake, don't screw up your future just because you want to have more freedom. There's plenty of freedom living under bridges, pal. 3. If you want to keep the car, you have to choices: a) buck up, suck up, and shut up, and do whatever it takes to make them give it back b) get a job that pays good money, not some damn "summer job" type thing, and buy the car yourself. You have a lot more rights to things you've paid for yourself. Just to give you some perspective, I'm 38 years old, and nobody ever bought me a car in my life! The nicest car I've ever owned is the '94 Olds Cutlass I'm currently driving. I had some stock options pay off, which is the only reason I had the measly three grand I needed to buy it. You're living in some kind of dream world. Everything about your post tells me you can have pretty much whatever you want, and in four years or so, you will be free of your parents, because they have NO CHOICE in the matter. By the way, my dad and I are the best of friends now, and I realize that all the stuff he did that made him such an asshole came from the fact that he was trying to tell me all the secrets of life, as he saw them, and I wasn't listening. You say your dad's a lawyer? If there's one thing he CAN teach you, it's how to be successful. The rest is up to you. If I sound harsh, it means you're way too sensitive. You can become a man now, or you can do like most people do, and wait until they're about 30. Life completely sucks without a car. Indeed. I'll go you one better. Life completely sucks without a car, a job, a place to live, or any FOOD. I'm betting if I put you on the street today, that's exactly the life you'd have. Your parents seem to have some kind of desire to shelter you from that experience. If I was talking to them, I'd tell them not to.
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 5/23/2002; 7:03 PM You know what richard your right is should be respectful to my dad and i am trying to be. You know yopu may think i live in some sort of dream world, but comparitively with everyone else in my school i don't. I can not have whatever i want. I mean if somebody took away your car i bet you would be pretty pissed. Anyways i thought i would give you an example of my dads thought process. I am sitting at home one day with my friend waiting to go out. Suddenly my parents walk in and start saying whats that smell and looking everywhere. I guess they thougt i was doing meth or something; but i wasn't. I don't do drugs, and the smell was my friends cologne. My dad seems to use that against me; eventhough i had done nothing wrong. So you see this is not entirely my fault. If you ever read the book Fences you would know exactly how my life is; my father loves me but doesn't know how to show it. You know maybe in five years i will like my dad but for now i don't think so. I once went to a psychologist, and when she met with my dad alone she even said he had problems. By the way what do you mean by a job with good pay not some damn summer job type thing. The highest paying job i am going to get is $10/hr. Sincerely, Andrew
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 5/23/2002; 7:03 PM You know what richard your right is should be respectful to my dad and i am trying to be. You know yopu may think i live in some sort of dream world, but comparitively with everyone else in my school i don't. I can not have whatever i want. I mean if somebody took away your car i bet you would be pretty pissed. Anyways i thought i would give you an example of my dads thought process. I am sitting at home one day with my friend waiting to go out. Suddenly my parents walk in and start saying whats that smell and looking everywhere. I guess they thougt i was doing meth or something; but i wasn't. I don't do drugs, and the smell was my friends cologne. My dad seems to use that against me; eventhough i had done nothing wrong. So you see this is not entirely my fault. If you ever read the book Fences you would know exactly how my life is; my father loves me but doesn't know how to show it. You know maybe in five years i will like my dad but for now i don't think so. I once went to a psychologist, and when she met with my dad alone she even said he had problems. By the way what do you mean by a job with good pay not some damn summer job type thing. The highest paying job i am going to get is $10/hr. Sincerely, Andrew
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 5/23/2002; 7:05 PM RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 5/23/02; 8:03:17 PM You know what richard your right is should be respectful to my dad and i am trying to be. You know yopu may think i live in some sort of dream world, but comparitively with everyone else in my school i don't. I can not have whatever i want. I mean if somebody took away your car i bet you would be pretty pissed. Anyways i thought i would give you an example of my dads thought process. I am sitting at home one day with my friend waiting to go out. Suddenly my parents walk in and start saying whats that smell and looking everywhere. I guess they thougt i was doing meth or something; but i wasn't. I don't do drugs, and the smell was my friends cologne. My dad seems to use that against me; eventhough i had done nothing wrong. So you see this is not entirely my fault. If you ever read the book Fences you would know exactly how my life is; my father loves me but doesn't know how to show it. You know maybe in five years i will like my dad but for now i don't think so. I once went to a psychologist, and when she met with my dad alone she even said he had problems. By the way what do you mean by a job with good pay not some damn summer job type thing. The highest paying job i am going to get is $10/hr. Sincerely, Andrew
also By: andrew charles peterson on 5/24/2002; 12:30 AM by the way if you put me on the street today i gaurentee you i could have everything you said i couldn't have. I am smart enough to know what to do, and by the way one of my best friends is almost 50. So you see things aren't always as they seem.
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 5/24/2002; 5:37 PM Scott--you're too nice a man to deserve a screaming fit. And this discussion is way too hostile and unnecessary. Everybody involved needs to calm down immediately.
RE: what should i do By: ScottN on 5/24/2002; 10:41 PM Sorry Mark. I knew that was Bleacher bait. This guy, though, really needs to get some perspective.
RE: what should i do By: Richard Davidson on 5/25/2002; 10:10 AM Andrew, what you're telling me about the psychologist-I'm not the tiniest bit surprised to hear that. Of course your dad has problems. He's a human being. (Well you DID say he's a lawyer....just kidding) It may be hard for him to show love in ways you can easily identify, but I'm already seeing it. He's going to send you to college. This, he feels, is his duty because of his INTENSE LOVE for you. He wants you to be successful. He wants you to be happy. He wants you not to do drugs. All of that is a show of love. A counselor once said to me, "let's just suppose you have the WORST parents in the world. They are responsible for who you've been so far. But who's responsible for who you're going to be now, as an adult? YOU are, buddy." And he was right. He's dead now, by the way. People die all the time. It sucks even worse than that car thing. And guess what-eventually it's going to happen to your dad. Lets say that your dad dies tomorrow. Have you any regrets about that relationship? Live every day like your dad may die tomorrow. Focus on showing HIM that you love him, and live in such a way as to have no regrets should the inevitable come slamming down out of the blue, as is its tendency. YOU are responsible for your own happiness. Happiness does NOT mean convenience. In a way, your parents are doing you a disservice, because I don't think they're making you EARN what you get. But their hearts are in the right place, and if it sounds like I'm calling you a little whiner, please keep in mind that I give you credit for coming here and dealing with your feelings, instead of just acting out. But seriously, look at the big picture. You have an opportunity to live a good, sound, successful life. Most people in the world DO NOT. My advice to you is to make the most of this chance, and not to fritter it away because of little things. I'm sorry, but I have NO sympathy about anybody taking "your" car away. If it was YOUR car, they COULDN'T take it away. I have a little thing called a Title to a Motor Vehicle that SAYS my car is mine, and the State recognizes the document as legitimate. You will do allright. If not, maybe some day you'll wash my windshield on the streetcorner.
RE: what should i do By: Evan on 5/27/2002; 10:07 PM "Wisdom is knowing that you know nothing." I don't remember who said this but it seemed appropriate for me to mention it. At any rate Andrew, speaking as another person round about your age (I'm 19), you have to garner some idea of your family's perspective on what you do. Fundamentally they want you to succeed in life. They are pressuring you because of this. Admittedly there has been some information that has been left out which would allow us to determine whether you or your father is being unreasonable with his demands. For example, going to his office to do homework would be reasonable if you're grades were bad but might be a bit strict if you were actually doing well in school. Also odds are your father might be a little bit on the paranoid side, but you need to come to terms with it, because it is fairly probable that he was like you when he was younger and does not wish you to repeat the same sort of mistakes that he regrets from his youth. Of course if all else fails, pretend that you are a chicken, then maybe they will cart you off to the looney bin. I hear its a nice place with padded walls of course if you are not really sufficiently crazy to be legitamately in the place, the other patients will know, but if you're lucky the therapists will never notice and you can have free food for life. If you decide to do this, let me know if you meet any nice, deranged girls (maybe I can get started on that whole dating thingy then). I'm not sure what else to say except that your parents almost certainly care about you and want you to lead a better life than they did.
RE: what should i do By: Someone Special on 5/28/2002; 5:45 PM hi
RE: what should i do By: Someone Special on 5/28/2002; 5:54 PM Andrew- it seems that you are leaving some things out. You may say that your parents arent normal but it doesnt seen human to treat your child the way that you claim they do without a reason for it all. Do you treat your parents right? Do you lie, do you do things you arent supposed to? Richard is right, the car that you claim is yours isn't yours. Did you buy it? Do you pay the lease, or the monthly payments? The way that you talk, you seem to believe that you can do whatever you want to do, you probably live in some rich town where every child gets everything that they want, and you dont. Is that the case? Is that the reason why you feel that you arent spoiled? I grew up like that too, but now, I realize that Im glad that I wasnt like those kids, I wasnt the spoiled brat that got everything. And, you should just move on and be happy with what you have. Some children dont get anything that they want... let alone a new car!! I really think that you need to calm down, let your parents treat you the way that they do, but also try to turn around this last month of school. Show them that you can work hard, and will obey them, show them thankfulness for raising you the way they do. Most likely they were brought up with not a lot of love, or maybe your dad was. Maybe his parents were/are tough on him and that is the only way that he knows how to raise a child, the way that he was brought up. I hope that this helps, and maybe will make you turn around. I'd like to talk to you sometime. Could you give me your email address? I want to help, my friend went through this type of thing and now everything is good. Please take this help seriously and do something about it, show your parents that you love them. Also, do you have any siblings? Could any of them help? Sara
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 5/28/2002; 9:23 PM You know sara your right, but i still hate not being able to drive my car. My dad had a tough childhood. I am the oldest in my family of three kids. He was the oldest of five kids and I guess he felt he wasn't treated the way he should have been. THe youngest in his family is sixteen years younger and he seems to feel that that his brother got a lot better treatment than he did. I am not some kid who thinks i can have everything; i would just like to drive the car. i MEAN I AM NOT A BAD KID; I HAVE PRETTY GOOOD GRADES; I AM WAITING TO GO TO COLLEGE; and I have people can rely on besides my parents. I think my parents are little bit ridiculous sometimes i mean they accuse of doing thins that i would never even think of doing. They are so damn paranoid i just wish they could stop. I forgot to mention my dads dad my grandpa liscence plate reads study; so i guess that explains most of this. I can be so generous to my parents and kiss ass but its not even worth it when they say i am faking it. So what is it good for? Andrew a91183@aol.com
RE: what should i do By: Richard Davidson on 5/28/2002; 11:40 PM Andrew, I suggest you watch the film "Schindler's List." Even if you don't, there's a kid in there who is trying to hide, so the Nazis don't come along and make him into soap. He goes into an outhouse, and crawls down the hole into freezing cold water, that has shit floating in it. Now, you might think that a problem like having to tread shitty cold water to survive is a bad problem. But there's a worse problem. There's already too many people in that shitty cold water, and the kid can't get out of a spot where he could be seen. His presence there will screw it up for everybody. The camera zooms in for a closeup of this kid, as he realizes he has to climb back out of there, and search for somewhere else to hide. That scene is a metaphor for life. I highly recommend you stop focusing so intently on your dad's psyche. His mind is not your problem. YOUR mind is. Getting good grades doesn't make you "not a bad kid." Hitler got good grades, you know. (OK, actually he didn't, but you get my point) You talk of kissing ass, and then they say you're faking it. DON'T FAKE IT! Take a moment to appreciate the fact that these people in many ways put your interests ahead of their own. That without them, you'd be working three jobs, and still would barely have enough money for rent and your car would be an old beater, that people laugh at. College, of course, would be out, unless you can get student loans, or grants, but when would you have time to study? I'm serious, dude, it's time you got your head right. That's what you came to this forum to hear, and if I knew you in real life, I'd be getting all in your face while telling you this, so pretend I am, OK? Do it for the kid in the shitty cold water.
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 6/3/2002; 8:26 AM "Getting good grades doesn't make you "not a bad kid." Hitler got good grades, you know. (OK, actually he didn't, but you get my point) " I get yer point, Davidson. +1 in The Game Andrew, I hope things are going well for you. The only insight I have is that Richard is right on one point: you can't do anything at all about your dad's state of mind. It's impossible to change anybody else. Really. I've tried. I lived with one woman for several months rediscovering that over and over again. Your best actions right now are to take care of yourself. Get the sleep you need to do well in school. Stay in school. Get a job if you need to, not at the expense of your schoolwork. Eat right. That sort of thing. Get some more therapy if you can find a therapist you trust. I wish I had some more specific advice for you, beyond "Take care of yourself" but that's really all I've got.
The Game By: ScottN on 6/3/2002; 11:13 AM Mark, Totally OT, but how about a named URL instead of a thread number for The Game? (Although 111 is at least easy to remember).
Re: The Game By: Brian Carnell on 6/3/2002; 11:55 AM At 12:29 PM 6/3/02 -0400, you wrote: >Mark, > >Totally OT, but how about a named URL instead of a thread number for The Game? >(Although 111 is at least easy to remember). Or how about a Resource - The Game
RE: The Game By: Mark Morgan on 6/3/2002; 12:37 PM A normal URL is not a bad idea. The Game needs a major overhaul anyway. Brian, a Resource is not a bad idea, but Scott I think is looking for something to throw at the slashdotters, among others.
RE: The Game By: Seth Dillingham on 6/3/2002; 12:54 PM On 6/3/02, Mark Morgan said: >A normal URL is not a bad idea. The Game needs a major overhaul >anyway. Brian, a Resource is not a bad idea, but Scott I think is >looking for something to throw at the slashdotters, among others. It would take you... what? 30 seconds to do both? Certainly less time than it took for you to write that comment. ;-) We know you won't get around to a "major overhaul of the game" any time soon, so don't use that as an excuse not to publish it! (Just being Mr. Helpful as I write docs.) Seth
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 6/3/2002; 1:20 PM Done. http://www.voicesofunreason.com/Essays/ThePointlessAccusationsofEvilGame And as Brian discovered, the if you put The Game between ||s, you get The Game, which I had completely forgotten about. The Pointless Accusations of Evil Game works as a Resource, too. As you were.
RE: what should i do By: Richard Davidson on 6/5/2002; 7:34 PM Mark, you should go to some of the political boards I go to. I'd score about 10,000 in The Game every time! "My spirits are low, in the depths of despair my life blood.... ...ooooh, spills ohohohoh....ver" -Geddy Lee, doing the finish of "2112" live in 1976, just before the big jam that ends with "Attention all planets of the Solar Federation Attention all planets of the Solar Federation We have assumed control We have assumed control We have assumed control" (Quote supplied for no contextual reason whatsoever. In an interesting side note, I was listening to "All the World's a Stage" on my way home from work, and feeling a little down, but Geddy's raw emotion was MOST inspiring, and took me back to a time when I was about 17, and the Wheel had yet to be invented.) Hey, wait! I have some more advice for Andrew: Put some really loud Rush on. Seriously, dude. It's your best hope.
RE: what should i do By: ScottN on 6/7/2002; 1:28 AM Sorry, Richard, Geddy Lee's best stuff goes "Take Off!"
RE: what should i do By: Eoghainn Oniongardail on 6/29/2002; 9:57 AM You seem more worried about not having your car, material things, than being seperated from your family. (Note: this was from Eoghainn Oniongardail's spouse and was accidentally entered here.)
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 6/22/2002; 9:12 AM EO, I'm only going to give you one warning. I'm a fairly tolerant person but I cannot stand namecalling. I mean, we're trying here to help butterflies to fly. Writing is lonely, unsupportive, and often discouraging and it behooves not a community of writers to descend into acrimony. So don't. The Bleachers await flames.
RE: what should i do By: Eoghainn Oniongardail on 6/29/2002; 9:54 AM Sorry, Mark. I was out of town that weekend and my wife was looking through bookmarks for things to do. She went into this site, not realising that the posts automatically get my name attached through the cookie. This was written by my wife: definitely not my style. Again, I am sorry for the abrasive remark. She was very embarrassed, too, as she never intended to post it. It was an accident.
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 6/29/2002; 1:32 PM I was a little surprised, but then again Adam apparently managed to get everyone's dander up, even Scott. Please don't take my comments personally, and please forward to your wife the same. I try to keep this place relatively flame-free because we're all temperamental enough; I like to try to encourage risks by creative types. Risks that become impossible in a hostile environment. I've only had to completely shut off one person and what I always hope is that a new person will come here and realize we're safe. Certainly I think the current membership and authors are people I wouldn't mind spending an evening over dinner with; not a bad result for a place I started because I was posting long rants to a bulletin board.
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 7/22/2004; 10:56 AM A member of Andrew's family (I'm guessing the father in question) asked me to either take this down or mask the identifying information. At first I was going to do it but the more I thought about it the less I liked the idea. I've always felt that ultimately an author at Unreason is in control of her or his work and should decide what is done with it. I've e-mailed Andrew at the only contact information I have for him. Hopefully he'll get back to me soon, or see this posting and respond.
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 9/16/2004; 4:09 PM hey richard this Andrew, and i give you permission to take down my posting. will you please do do as soon as possible. thankyou, Andrew
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 9/16/2004; 4:09 PM hey richard this Andrew, and i give you permission to take down my posting. will you please do do as soon as possible. thankyou, Andrew
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 9/16/2004; 4:09 PM hey richard this Andrew, and i give you permission to take down my posting. will you please do do as soon as possible. thankyou, Andrew
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 9/16/2004; 4:09 PM hey richard this Andrew, and i give you permission to take down my posting. will you please do do as soon as possible. thankyou, Andrew
RE: what should i do By: andrew charles peterson on 9/16/2004; 4:13 PM hey mark this is andrew will you please take my post down as soon as possible. thankyou
RE: what should i do By: Mark Morgan on 9/17/2004; 7:02 AM Done.
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