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Car Ride By: Rachelle King on 3/29/2002; 1:04 AM Accumulation of distance gradually built up cement walls thought processes bickered aloud once again like spoiled child and parent in the super market, we chat: You jest at my seriousness. Pretending to retaliate, I raise eyebrows aiming stabbing and gouging reopening my own wounds, picking scabs off the surface of adolescent, once apprehensive, epidermis. Fully aware of the bed fault has made to lie in I pin the blame to your always-plaid shirt. Liquid sustenance drains from the place where your heart should be. Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of my future. Among this chaotic exchange of shooting and ducking behind those walls hazy realization drifts amid gun smoke: I always embrace this revolving game of cat and mouse chasing your deceptive ideology around in circles. Enjoying another race compliments the ever-closer suicide of my rehabilitation skills. Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of my future. Conversation halts at late night traffic jam. Aggravation expels heavy sigh from your throat. Recollecting this sound in a different context forces open a flow: Cascading memories of bare skin bronzed by sunlight dancing through a cigarette burn in plastic curtains. I pretended to be cold when I shuttered, fluffing up my dilapidated collar. The sequence of memories was a reminder of exchanged agreement: “FRIENDS ONLY” POLICY NOW IN EFFECT. Civil greetings must now substitute for mushy clichés. Traffic began to convulse forward. Verbal thought could not mimic the vessel’s motion Beams of reflection uniformly prevented traveling pods of thought from colliding. Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of…
RE: Car Ride By: Rachelle King on 3/29/2002; 1:19 AM If anyone wants to comment on not understanding, please feel welcomed, and most importantly please be specific. I post my work because I want it to be workshopped. Furthermore, I would appreciate mature criticism from yawl. Gracias, Rachelle
RE: Car Ride By: Adam Schirmacher on 3/29/2002; 1:40 AM I don't understand a whole lot of it. It's just not my type. I think the word "epidermis" doesn't really fit in. Maybe saying "fleshy surface" or "outer skin" or something like that would fit in better. But if you're going to use one of those, taking out the optional comma after apprehensive would also make it sound better. Best wishes, ~adam.
RE: Car Ride By: Chris Link on 8/15/2002; 1:21 AM I'm in the middle of insomnia and sligtly crazed by lack but your poem moved me. I remember similar moments with someone, wishing I could move on, (which I finally did), surrounded by life supplied metaphors of my situation, like the whole universe was acting out my situation, a solipsistic bad dream. Life happens in cars when you are young. It's surprising how few places there are to "be". Keep keeping one clear eye on the relevance of your future.
RE: Car Ride By: Richard Davidson on 8/19/2002; 8:38 PM People, we have a mantra: "Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of my future" "Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of my future" "Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of my future" Just keep saying it over and over. An artist has taken the time to combine these unique words for this unique meaning. "Resenting the swell of remorse in my left eye I concentrate on my right eye’s ability to focus on the relevance of my future" Very nice.
RE: Car Ride By: Richard Davidson on 8/19/2002; 8:45 PM I think the word "epidermis" doesn't really fit in. Maybe saying "fleshy surface" or "outer skin" or something like that would fit in better. This comment, made way back in 1964 or so, is, although an actual opinion, quite wrong. "Epidermis" fits in where it is artfully typed, in such a seamless, perfect manner, that I'm extremely pissed I'm not the one who thought of it. picking scabs off the surface of adolescent, once apprehensive, epidermis. The use of the commas, which create a psychic wall for the concept of apprehension, is a masterful expression of confidence by the artist, who is bound by only those rules necessary for rudimentary understanding. In fact, I think it's the best part of the poem. Don't get me wrong, the entire thing is a masterpiece; but the amount of depth in the actual craftsmanship of the words has reached a peak here. If you're going to write poetry, write poetry like this. The most important rule of writing I'm aware of, (and this is true in verbal expression, as well,) is SAY WHAT IT IS YOU WANT TO SAY!!!!! Here's your chance to express yourself; don't squander it by treading lightly.
RE: Car Ride By: Richard Davidson on 9/3/2002; 7:54 PM Rachel, now that you're back, read what I wrote about this, months after you wrote it.
RE: Car Ride By: Rachelle King on 9/6/2002; 2:38 AM Thank you Richard and Chris, I needed that. I just turned about four shades of red in response to your flattery. I guess i was looking in the wrong places for appreciation. I should have continued to contibute at voices. I am glad to be back, though. I am looking forward to reading some of the new work and sharing some of my new work with you all.
RE: Car Ride By: Mark Morgan on 9/6/2002; 9:12 AM We are very glad to have you back, Rachelle. You've been missed.
RE: Car Ride By: Rachelle King on 9/6/2002; 3:19 PM Thanks, [sniff,sniff] Mark...
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