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To Cross That Line, part 2/3 By: Sarabeth on 10/22/2001; 8:23 PM (Author's note: Forgot to tell the time period. The year is 1901. Disclaimer in part 1.) They neared Linneas boarding house in silence. Shed been quite talkative most of the way home, but then shed had a coughing fit and hadnt said a word since. She was concentrating on nothing but keeping the tears she felt pricking her eyes from rolling down her cheeks until Specs was gone. All she wanted in the world was to have him hold her and make everything ok, but she knew he couldnt do that. Not this time. They reached her door and she mumbled a goodbye while looking at the ground. She turned to go inside but Specs caught her arm. Lin whats wrong? She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She took a deep breath and managed to whisper to him. Nothing. Nothings wrong. He caught her chin and gently brought her face up so she was looking at him. With the last scrap of composure she had she choked out her explanation. The doctor Im dying Specs. Then the tears came freely and she leaned on him for support, every ounce of strength she had being devoted to her grief. He held her tightly, his mind racing. Linnea was dying? Hed known she was sick but people didnt stay sick forever. Dying. She couldnt be then his mind went blank of everything except a painful numbness that took over his body and froze his heart. They stood there for a long time, until Linneas sobs had subsided into small hiccups. Specs led her to one of the benches near the building and they sat down. He pushed a stray strand of hair out of her face and said Lin Lin itll be ok. I love ya, no matta what. And Ise known ya were sick for a long time. And if dis is how it goes, dis is how it goes. Ise not eva gonna leave ya, you undastand? his voice faltered and he whispered Say somethin Lin please? Her eyes were still bright with tears as she looked at him and tried desperately to smile. I love you too. Neither knew who moved first but suddenly their lips were touching and in the midst of the immense pain they were both feeling, the first kiss Linnea and Specs shared was filled with only love and warmth. ~~~*~~~*~~*~~~ Linnea and Specs decided that she should quit working in the mills and come live with the newsies. Linnea couldnt help but see the irony in the situation she had finally quit the mill but now it wouldnt do her any good. Since she was often very tired, the newsies fixed up the small room next to the bunkroom for her. It held only a bed, a desk, and a small dresser, but it was plenty for Linnea. She and Annalesa spent countless hours giggling on her bed, and oftentimes the other newsies came to her for advice. Her room was a sort of sanctuary for everyone it was the one quiet place they could go and be assured a caring person with a kind heart to listen. Linnea sometimes went out with the guys to sell papes but it usually made her too tired, so she simply stayed at the Lodging House and cleaned up or read some of Specs books. She would mark favorite poems and they would read them together on the roof as the sun set. Ever since shed found out that she was dying, Linnea had looked on everything differently. She often dragged Specs to Central Park to watch the people, because she said that to truly have lived, you have to understand how everyone else lives, too. She also went to Brooklyn whenever she felt up to it because she liked crossing the bridge. Another thing that was different was that Linnea had begun to have strange dreams. Every couple of nights she would dream the same dream. In it, she was walking down a white hallway that ended in shadows. At first that was all. Then as she had the dream more and more, she began to see a thick black line ahead of her. When she walked she seemed not to move she never got closer to the line. However, every time she had the dream the line was closer than the time before. It didnt take Linnea long to realize that the line was death. After a particularly good day, Specs and Linnea were walking through Central Park towards Tibbys for dinner. Suddenly Specs stopped. Hed been acting rather strangely all day but she hadnt questioned him about it. He turned to her and with no preamble asked Linnea, arent you scared? She replied as if it was the most natural question in the world. No not anymore. I was but she hesitated to tell him about the dream. But I have you, and being scared just made me miserable, so no, Im not. Specs shook his head. Lin, Im terrified. Im scared for you and Im scared for me. I dont want to find out what its like to not have you here. I she cut him off by placing a finger on his lips. She pointed to the long shadows the late afternoon sun was casting. Do you see our shadows? he nodded. Watch. She stepped in front of him so that the only shadow visible was his. My shadow is still in there you just cant see it. Thats like me, Specs. No matter where I go, Ill still be here. As long as the sun shines my shadow will be here with yours. So I guess the nickname fits, huh? His answer was a kiss that left her knees weak and her heart filled to bursting with love. ~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~ Things went pretty much the same way for about a month, until one day Crutchy came home to the Lodging House early. His leg had been hurting and he wanted to go lie down. When he didnt see Shadow anywhere he figured she was sleeping, and had just lay down on his bed when he heard muffled sobs coming from her room. Cautiously he approached her door and knocked. Hey Shadow? Youse ok? The crying stopped short, and then a tired voice said Is that you Crutchy? Yeah, its me. He heard footsteps and then Shadow opened the door. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy from crying. She looked like she was about to fall over. She left the door standing open and went back to lie on her bed. He came in the room and sat down next to her bed. Whats wrong? Ya feelin sick? Cause I can go get da docta No! Im ok Crutchy. Ok for someone whos dying dont you ever get tired of it? Crutchy was confused. He wasnt dying. Tired a what? She opened her eyes and looked at them. To Crutchy she looked beaten, defeated. Tired of being tired. I cant do anything Crutchy Im always tired, something always hurts. I cant breathe, I cant move I cant do anything. Specs comes to visit as often as he can but he has to sell papes sometime I just want to be what I used to who I used to. Look at me I even look like Im dying. The tears came again and she rolled on her side so Crutchy wouldnt see her sobs. But he knew. He reached out and gently rubbed her shoulder. Shadow, Ise been a crip since I was a little boy. But I rememba when I could run and do all da things wit all de odder guys and sometimes I do da same thing youre doin now. But ya know what? My leg and my crutch arent all dere is ta me dey dont make me anything. Youse still who ya were since you was born. You and mes a lot alike our bodies have decided ta give up on us, but we cant let ourselves give up on us. Ya gotta have hope its a good thing, and da good things neva go away. Linnea sighed. She knew somewhere deep inside her heart that he was right, but she was too busy feeling sorry for herself. Crutchy thanks but I just need to sleep, please. He gave her one last pat on the shoulder and walked out, closing the door softly behind him. Linnea lay there thinking for a long time. She was getting sick. Really sick. She felt her face and even to her own touch it was burning. The world had begun to take on a hazy quality and she sat up. For some reason, she had a burning desire to see the Brooklyn Bridge right that moment. She got up slowly; testing the floor to make sure it was really there. Quietly she crept out the window and fought the rising blackness that kept trying to overtake her. She was so tired The walk to the bridge was filled with brightly colored spots in front of Linneas eyes. But when she got there and was halfway between Brooklyn and Manhattan, she was suddenly wide awake. There was a small boy being beaten by a huge one she recognized the smaller boy as Pip, the smallest newsie in Spot Conlons gang. She figured that the older one must have been one of the Delancey brothers shed heard so much about. She took off at a run, ignoring the dizziness and nausea that swept over her. Hey! Let him go! The bully looked at her, surprised. You heard me! Let him go! Hes too small to fight you and you know it. Now let him go! Ill let im go if I can have you you shoa are pretty. Are you dat little goil we heah so much about and neva see? Shadow? Well ya see, me and my bruddas kinda make it a policy ta get ta know all da newsies and dey goils. Her gall was rising at the thought of touching this person, but she couldnt help it. She reached out and slapped him with all the strength she had in her body. She staggered with the effort and clung to the bridge railing for support. The bully took the opportunity to move in close to her and pulled her to him. With a horrific scream, she pushed him away. She noticed that the little boy was gone, she hoped to get some help. Everything was getting very hazy, and she hated to think what would happen to her if she blacked out. The bully moved towards her again and spoke. Ya know, dat wasnt very nice. I think maybe Ise ought ta teach ya some manners. He was about to reach her again when she heard Spots voice. The iciness of it frightened her even as relief flooded through her. Dat goil has more manners den you and yer whole family put tagetha, Morris. Now beat it, before wese beat you. Linnea turned her head and through what seemed like a telescope saw Spot and his gang. Morris saw them too and promptly ran away, shouting threats as he did. Spot motioned for the rest of his gang to go on their way and approached Linnea. Hey what are ya doin ovah heah? Specsll be worried sick. But I gotta tank ya for helpin Pip out he dont know how ta fight yet. Then he noticed her white-knuckle grip on the railing and realized that she seemed to be having trouble focusing. He looked at her strangely. Hed heard she was very sick, but if she was so sick, why was she all the way over in Brooklyn? Shadow hey Shadow youse ok? She was getting so sick of that question. Yes. Fine. Im going to go home she turned to go back to Manhattan but made it only two steps before she collapsed. The last thing she heard was Spot calling to some of his gang and then he was beside her saying Ok wese gonna get ya back ta Manhattan. Then she slipped into a welcome darkness that was closer to a coma than a normal sleep. ~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~ Specs paced around Linneas room. Crutchy had said she was sick and upset but where on earth was she? The whole Lodging House was in an uproar. Just then he heard a commotion downstairs and ran to see what was going on. In the front hall he saw Spot carrying Linnea and she wasnt moving. The next hour was a blur of questions, half-answers, doctors, and an incredible fear. Finally Specs found himself by Linneas bedside. He was alone with her the doctor had left and the rest of the newsies had gone downstairs to give Specs some time. He stared at her and was afraid to touch her. Her face was nearly as white as her pillow and she suddenly seemed so small the doctor had said she had a very high fever and the flu. She hadnt moved since Spot brought her in. Specs hung his head and for the first time in as long as he could remember, he prayed. Linnea was floating. Then she was standing in the now familiar white hallway. She saw the line directly in front of her. She could see clearly what was behind the line for the first time. Her mother. Mother! She ran towards her. But her mother held up one hand and began to back away. She said nothing, but shook her head and smiled. Then Linnea tried to run after her but the line formed a wall and she couldnt pass. Then a red-hot pain took over her and she was burning For the next week, Linneas fever raged. She was delirious most of the time and on the rare moments when she wasnt in the clutches of some phantom universe, she wanted Specs to read to her. And read he did. Even when she was delirious he read her poems and stories and newspapers and anything he could get his hands on. The newsies took shifts when Specs was sleeping. Linnea never seemed to get any better. She couldnt eat and the only things they could get in her were little pieces of ice so she wouldnt get dehydrated. She seemed to be shrinking away and most of the newsies had given up hope until one day her fever broke. Specs noticed that she was sleeping peacefully for once and her breathing was no longer ragged, but smooth and normal. He sighed with relief and suddenly exhaustion hit him. Hed only slept for about four hours the whole week and was now about to fall over. He leaned out the door and called to Jack. Hey Cowboy? Jack stuck his head around the door of the bunkroom. Yeah Specs need some more ice? Nah shes finally sleepin all normal and her fevers gone. Could ya come and wait till she wakes up? Ise got ta sleep. Jack smiled. Yeah. Youse deserve it. Ill come get ya da minute she opens her eyes. Thanks Cowboy. Specs switched places with Jack and told the rest of the newsies what happened. They all smiled and that night there was joking and laughing for the first time since shed gotten sick. Deep down Specs was elated but he didnt have the energy to be happy at the moment, so he went to sleep.
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