| |
| Writings Discussion Authors Help Search Home |
Vacation Thoughts (Fourth in a series) By: Mark Morgan on 12/3/2000; 11:11 AM Saturday, November 11th: The day starts late. Very late. MJ catches Mark non-aware-but-sorta-awake. I look my stunningly best, hair askew and in the sweats I sleep in. Mark Morgan, ladykiller. This and that and I'm clean and out the door by one in the afternoon. If that's not vacation time, nothing is. I think, maybe we'll be rebels and shoot for before noon tomorrow. It could happen. If you are on vacation, there's a quick way to drive your host nuts--agree with everything. "What do you want to do?" "Whatever you want is fine with me." It sounds so reasonable, the first time. The tenth time normally rational people are considering car, door, freeway speeds, and the value of a well-timed shove. In my life I'm the one in charge. Mostly. I work at a house where I'm responsible for the well being and livability of a group of disabled adult men. I'm also the oldest child in my family. I have a bad case of big brother in me: "Mom left me in charge!" I've gotten so that I want to be in charge of everything and everybody around me. I know what's best for everyone, why don't they just do what I say? It's so obvious! I learned, recently and painfully that this view of life is horribly wrong. Even as Enola was breaking up with me, angry with me, telling me why we wouldn't be together I was trying to control everything. Here's a rational statement: "Look, just because we're breaking up doesn't mean you have to move out!" Good grief. I am learning, slowly and surely, to let go of this philosophy of life. People are going to do what they are going to do. I might occasionally let people ask me for my opinion, but I am no longer under the delusion that I am in control. People never listen to me, I mean, c'mon. They never listen to you, either, you just think they do. So I spend today slowly driving Aradia bonkers. But I am so happy now, it is irrelevant. You see, I've forgotten about the holding hands thing. In my marriage, and during my relationship with Enola, I was in charge of the holding hands thing. If I wanted to hold hands, I always was the one to grab her hand. If I dropped her hand, it was usually unnoticed. It's the small things that matter, really. Today we do trivial things: pay her pager bill. Visit where she works, that I might be shown off to more coworkers. Who are apparently still asking about me, just over three weeks later. Wandering around her store's mall. Visiting her parents for dinner--this time I don't cook, which I'm sure makes everyone much happier, especially me. Seeing The Contender, which is a great movie if you're liberal, otherwise it is a great movie that you will disagree with. Harassing people on ICQ. Trivial things, blase' things, uninteresting things. Wonderful, amazing, spectacular things. Because we do them hand in hand.
RE: Vacation Thoughts (Fourth in a series) By: Allegra Gellar on 12/11/2000; 11:10 PM wow. You mentioned the holding hands thing.
|
|
||||||||||||||||
| Copyright Notice | Privacy Policy | Contact | |
 |
|