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Phase shifting the hard way By: Mark Morgan on 4/11/2010; 11:12 PM I'm not going to make it. I'm trying to change my body's schedule by staying up late. Sunday night/Monday morning I work 1AM to 9AM calling businesses in the UK. So the plan was to stay up late last night and tonight to try and adjust my body. Won't work. My Aunt Kelli has cancer. I'm 300 miles away from almost my whole family. My Aunt Kelli, who is only seven years older than I am, has cancer. My grandparents just lost a niece to breast cancer. Thirty-three years ago this summer, the summer before I was born, my mother's older sister took her own life. I am concerned about the grandparentals--this has to be like being hit repeatedly in the head with a two by four, all day long. Nobody is saying the word "cancer" to my grandparents. Not even I. Oh, don't all you worry--they're not online and perhaps never will be. Give or take some mailstation appliance to send and recieve e-mail. So we can be honest with each other, you and I. As my family dances around the word cancer, the reality is that you don't schedule a full hysterectymy elsewise. Aradia asked if I wanted to take some days off from work and go down there. What would I do, I wonder? Hold my grandparents' hands while they smiled and said they were fine? Aradia holds my hand while I smile and say I am fine. Then holds my head while I cry and admit no, I'm not fine. Such is love, and may you find such a thing for your life. It's irreplaceable. It keeps me from feeling like someone is hitting me in the head with a two by four, all day long. I'm completely unprepared for the reality of serious ilness in my family. We've avoided it until now. I always figured it would be one of my grandparents. Reality never quite lives up to our expectations, a lesson I relearn every day. In the meantime, I will say to hell with plans about times and sleep and the UK. One who loves me is in the other room, and what the heck, I'll just take a nap tomorrow or sleep in or something. While things fall apart, the center must hold. For me that center is always a loved one. One who holds my head while I blubber like a child. One who puts up a brave front when I call her on the phone and say "Hey mom, Kristina just called." One who calls and lets me know the latest news about my family. The center holds. And maybe if we just link arms and make a circle we can keep the chaos from our midst for one more day. More later this week, when I know more. Take care of each other, dammit.
RE: Phase shifting the hard way By: Richard Davidson on 6/24/2001; 5:02 PM All I can say is, hang in there Mark. The people on this website are all pulling for you, and your aunt.
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