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Am I Doomed? By: Brian Webber on 12/15/2002; 1:37 PM They say these things skip generations. Am I doomed? My grandfather is a retired firefighter. I don't like fire except for candles. He is an alcholic. Am I doomed? He beat my father and his siblings and my grandmother. Am I doomed? They say these things skip generations. He molested my dad and my eldest aunt. Am I doomed? Could pedohillia be genetic? What's with all these filenames with the word 'Lolita in them on my Dad's hard drive? Am I doomed? The filenames say, 10, 13 year olds. These girls look muhc older. Is this good? Are they legal age women dressed as teens and pre-teens? Am I doomed? Do things REALLY skip generations? Should I just kill myself or cut of my dick now before I hurt a child? I wish all child molestors would kill themselves before they hurt anyone. Am I doomed? Even if I never see a child in a sexual way, knock on wood, will I beat the woman I marry? Will I become a mean drunk? Will I sympathize with Nazis? Or will I become my Dad? Will I collect porn the way little kids collect Pokemon cards? Will I obsess over talentless Britih pop stars form the 80s? Will I neglect and emotionally abandon my child? At least when my step-grandfather's Dad abanoned him, he had the decency to leave the house. Will my wife be a degrading horible person who abuses my child as my Mom was before she was saved by Wicca? Will the women who mothers my child be married to another man when I get her pregnant, as was the situation with my parents? Will I become so desperate to be with someone that I would break up a marriage just to have a family of my own, even if I just eat, watch porn and cry quietly in a corner when my only son is being slapped around for no reason? Am I doomed?
RE: Am I Doomed? By: Brian Webber on 12/18/2002; 2:48 AM Hmm. Now that I actually look at what I wrote, I can't help but wonder if I should've retitled it, "Am I A Scared, Whiny Little Pussy Who Writes BS LIke This Because He's Having Trouble Coping With The Fatc That The Woman He Loves Had A Child WIth A man That Wasn't Him, And What The Hell Made Him Think pedophilia Was Genetic And What Business Is It Of His If His Father Likes Porn?" To which the obvious answer would be, is the Pope Cathoilc? I complain WAY too much.
RE: Am I Doomed? By: Richard Davidson on 12/18/2002; 11:13 PM Hey Brian! We're all doomed, you know. And that's a good thing, which is the truly amazing part. We're doomed to live whatever life our imaginations force us to. I've always been hard on you, and some other guys on this site, for being self indulgent, and shiny. Oops, I mean whiney. I had vowed to leave you alone, but now you've gone and posted the above, and I think "man, this kid GETS it!" No matter how bad your problems, if you looked hard enough, you'd always find someone who had it much worse. Are you dying of dysentary? No? Good. I'm glad to hear you aren't. Are you about to be eaten by rats? You're not? Excellent! It would be such a horrible death, after all. I hope you can see my point here. It's easy to make mistakes. That's why they say, "everybody makes mistakes." I mean, there is just nobody alive who's not capable of making mistakes. Even NBC. Even I have just made the mistake of unnecessary redundancy, with a slight possibility of misspelling thrown in for good meazure. (That last part's a joke) Now, Brian, this concept of "the woman you love doing you wrong" is just not for you. Think about it, man. If she done ya wrong, it doesn't MATTER if you love her. You can either let it go, or you can go back to being overwhelmed by the feeling of being doomed, which as I mentioned, we all are, anyway. For every "woman I loved" in my past, there is a "woman who loved me back, and properly, too," to match against her, and no matter how many sad tales I tell you, I'm sitting here married to a beautiful, sexy, talented and creative woman who treats me well, as I treat her. And those women I used to blubber about? Don't know. Sort of forgot about 'em. Brian, there was a girl I was "in love with" in high school, and I watched her have a kid with a big dork, who ended up abusing her, and then go from abusive ass to abusive ass. I watched her go crazy, too. I used to sing her songs in the hospital, just doing my part to stand by a friend the best I could. I never really could help her, of course. Her path was not mine, and all the better for me, don't you think? She had serious mental problems, and as cold as it sounds, brought most of her misery on herself. Her entire group of family and friends thought of me as the one person who truly loved her, and figured I was so deep in love, I'd never give up on her. Well, they were wrong, Brian. I gave up on her, and I mean PERMANENTLY. I don't know where she lives, or if she's even alive. It's hard for me to picture her face in my mind. Whatever she's doing, she ain't doing it with me, pal, and I'm a better man for it. You're just too heavy about all this crap. You think it's so serious, and it's not; it's a freakin' joke, man. There's only one way to live life: You figure out what you want, then you figure out what is necessary to get that, and then you go out and do those things, realizing that there will be setbacks, and failures along the way, and you just keep going until you get somewhere, and where that is may not even be where you set out for in the first place, but at least you were trying to get somewhere, instead of just sitting around being nowhere. Got it? Now, I really would like to hear what you think about all that, and not just in applying it to the problems you've mentioned already. I'd like YOU to tell ME how Brian intends to get somewhere, and explain why he's obsessing over his family, and not concentrating on looking within for the easy answers to hard questions. Go.
RE: Am I Doomed? By: Kelly Coughlin on 12/27/2002; 11:22 PM good venting! you're a long, long way from doomed. sounds like you figured it out for yourself.
RE: Am I Doomed? By: Brian Webber on 8/17/2004; 4:05 PM Interesitng post script. This past APril, I actually saw the aforemention woman I love AND her baby on a bus trip to the Colorado Democratic Party headquarters on Santa Fe Drvie for a Kucinich in 2004 MettUp. She didn't recognize me, though that could be because the moment I saw her I shoved my face into my book and hoped she didn't see me. What an odd reaction to have.
RE: Am I Doomed? By: Damon Dixon on 9/1/2004; 11:12 PM I don't know if you're doomed or not. I'm the last person to be the judge of that. Excellent prose. Keep it up.
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