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Needless rant By: Chie Theresa Fujioka on 7/31/2002; 9:39 AM Between the teeth of a comb I fled The teeth were brushing against my head Brown rivers flowing with the remains of dead Be gone be gone be gone! My heart beating with every blast The hallways and corridors rushing past I steadied the gun, killed the enemy fast Be gone be gone be gone. They wanted to come to my room to nag My shoulders with their worries began to sag Until I give up and raise a white flag Be gone be gone be gone, The swords in your mouth glimmer and shine As they spark and crash with those of mine When rattlesnakes hunger and when they dine be gone be gone be gone Those bed sheets of white will tangle my feet The monster will draw nearer with each heartbeat As I watch I turn into pulp and meat gone. Only to wake.
RE: Needless rant By: Richard Davidson on 8/1/2002; 3:03 AM That truly was needless, which is exactly how you billed it. I liked the aggressive pose I detected in several of your words, particularly "white," which you managed to use twice. I'm wondering if there's some sort of psychic connection between the bedsheets and the flag of surrender; perhaps you are implying that every time we go to bed, we surrender ourselves to the lovemaking or sleep that is inevitably coming? And if so, does this mean Man only exists within a small paradigm of our relentless dream, or is the Universe itself conspiring to create nonsensical public renderings of steadfast delinquency? Obviously, only you can answer these questions, so I suggest you don't, and create a tension between yourself and the other writers here, thus assuring your hostile superiority, and a better chance of getting published. Keep all of this in mind, and keep up the good work. I'll give this one a Seven.
RE: Needless rant By: Dorothy Marie on 10/31/2002; 1:26 PM Chie! Wow, sorry it took me so long to respond. I've been a bit busy lately... college and everything. Anyway, I LOVE it! It's a great description of a dream. Nothing makes sense, and everything is confusion and chaos and metaphor. I especially like how you describe an argument: "The swords in your mouth glimmer and shine As they spark and crash with those of mine When rattlesnakes hunger and when they dine be gone be gone be gone" So, all in all, I have to say that this is one of my FAVORITES among your poetry. =) -love, the dOt
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