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Raw and Uncut By: Dorothy Marie on 10/21/2001; 5:01 PM *This is not my conventional writing style. This is raw and merciless. If you cannot handle that, or do not want to handle that do not read this. If you will mock me for it, I do not care if you read this or not, but your words will not hurt me anymore than I hurt when I wrote this awhile ago.* I've blocked all this feeling for so long. Criticized and despised, mocked for being like this. Rejected for my emotions. No more. I love my emotions. I am no one without them. How could I have ever ignored them for so long? Love, so much love that you burst with energy Hate, not so much hate, but enough to set your ears on fire Jealousy, like hate, but with a sickness in the pit of your stomach Nervousness, sweating palms and floating stomach Upset, Anxiety, all the sickness Joy, enough so you embrace everything in sight Sorrow, ripping your heart directly from your chest, leaving a dark empty space between your ribs Foolishness, a childish carefree levity All the emotions I love to experience, all that made me myself I have them back now I never realized how much i missed them Their motives are so abstract Love, a warmth inside your body, like when your hands are freezing, and someone grasps them to warm them. Like all you are just pours out of you into the one you love, and you don't even have to touch them, yet it draws you closer. The farther away you are, the more their heart strings pull at yours, just little constant tortorous tugs like it's being torn out of you Sorrow, when someone takes a dagger and shoves it through your sternum. Then uses rib spreaders to thrust your unwilling breast open so they can tear out your heart and make you watch them consume it while you still feel it. Then reaches back into your empty hole and feels around, searching for any joy left and steals all the tiny pieces left behind. Nothing left but a void with your chest closed around it. A big hole. They are the ones I used to feel constantly. The raw ones that feel so good, so real. The ones I missed so much.
RE: Raw and Uncut By: Evan on 6/7/2001; 1:25 PM I can't see how anybody could mock you for this Dorothy. Its very good and very detailed about all the symptoms (hmm perhaps that's not the right word as that would imply emotions are bad things which I don't really think they are... hmm.. how about physiological reactions?) of emotions. Also by the way, I never see why people consider something raw a bad thing. Sushi and Steak Tartar are both very good and yet they are raw. On the other hand chafing makes your skin raw which is a bad thing. I guess raw should be considered a neutral adjective. At any rate if you are feeling the way your poem and your caption suggest you are now officially on my people to cheer up list.
Re: Raw and Uncut By: Sam Marston on 6/7/2001; 11:16 PM Its quite easy to see why some might mock Dorothy for her writing. When I read this poem, I saw parts of myself represented, and I did not like them. Being as unintelligent as I am, I immediatly took this and turned it into hate for the author. Truth hurts me enough to turn me sour and drive me to mocking. I probably should not use such an open forum for this, but Im sorry for my actions last night.. they have been echoing in my mind ever since thier occurance.. Everything I said, some of it true, some of it fake, some of it show, some of it bend, I regret it all... because in truth, I care about you, alot more than anyone else in my life recently, and more importantly, I need you to help me though the indifference. No bending.
Re: Raw and Uncut By: Evan on 6/7/2001; 11:25 PM Well I have no clue what you did or who you are but I forgive you anyway.
Re: Raw and Uncut By: Sam Marston on 6/8/2001; 12:06 AM Evan, I am an often angry and nasty human being, your quite lucky not to have known me up to this point. I thank you for your empty forgiveness
Re: Raw and Uncut By: Chie Theresa Fujioka on 6/8/2001; 12:41 AM SAM! She as I *thinks sees believes* Now then... Seek the pain which you do not want it brings you to the lazy boy of the mind. (hehe) Well i think i can see what you are saying sam. if i am right, it is something i thought i knew and found out i didnt. wow. being as one torn in confusion between what defines love for me, i have little to say, and much to listen to. does the first kiss always feel the same? i am a leash on a string...? and am not making any sense can you love someone you dont want to love? or can you love someone so much you dont want to love them? im so confused. I am a one sided line!
Is and undone! Raw and uncut By: Chie Theresa Fujioka on 6/8/2001; 12:46 AM Sam, you are exactly what you are supposed to be at this moment to mold the life of someone in some way you may never know about. I don't think you are mean and cruel and angry, because everyone has that ability. I dunno. maybe im babbling, but pain is only amplified by pity. :(
Re: Raw and Uncut By: Matthew Patterson, the Paranoid Minister on 6/8/2001; 1:01 AM can you love someone you dont want to love? or can you love someone so much you dont want to love them? Yes and yes. Especially the second. Believe me, I know. That's one of my problems: I actually care about people, sometimes more than I care about myself at times. It would be a lot easier to just shut it off, live just for me and me alone... but people are what make this world go 'round, and again, I care too much to let go. Of course, methinks you speak of a slightly different type of love than I, but, reading again what I have said, I think it's still valid.
RE: Is and undone! Raw and uncut By: Dorothy Marie on 6/8/2001; 1:52 AM You Are Forgiven. And, Sam is right. That is why people make fun of it. They mock what they don't understand or can't handle. I'm just trying to shed a little light on the subject and elliminate one of the reasons.
RE: Is and undone! Raw and uncut By: Kaju Sarkar on 6/8/2001; 5:01 PM PAIN HUH ? yeah sure why not...
Re: Raw and Uncut By: Evan on 6/8/2001; 9:48 PM I've had the forgetting part down pat for years so I might as well try being forgiving. Whatever you did it can't have been bad enough that I wouldn't forgive you, especially since you apologized for it. If you truly feel some degree of regret over what you did and attempt to rectify it, that is all that is really neccessary for forgiveness in my opinion.
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