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The Pinecone By: Evan on 10/21/2001; 5:36 PM It is okay to publish this. My best friend Jimmy and I generally got along really well but of course every group of people greater than one has disagreements sometimes. We had trouble with solving these disagreements ourselves, since everybody either decided on my side or Jimmys side. To fix this problem, we had pinecone to give us a solution. I would give his name except that he never told us despite how much we asked him. We assumed he was a boy pinecone because back then we would not have trusted a girl to solve our problems. For example, I explained to the pinecone that Jimmy and I couldnt decide what game to play. I wanted to play hide and go seek and Jimmy wants to play Snakes and Ladders. The pinecone did not take sides and said nothing about our dispute. Since he does not decide either way, we assume that we are both wrong and we play checkers instead. As Jimmy and I grew older the wise council of the pinecone saw us through many tribulations. During our teenage years, we began to doubt the power of the pinecone. We drifted apart due to disagreements about girls, whose house to cover with toilet paper that week, and time with each other versus time with girls. We had no satisfaction with the pinecones neutrality. So through most of high school the pinecone lay dormant in the dog igloo that we bought for him. During senior year of high school we both wanted to date the same girl. We were fiercely argumentative over who should get to that we reluctantly returned to the wise council of our coniferous mediator. We argued back and forth with the pinecone looking on silent and unmoving. We think now that he might have been shocked by our behavior and therefore could not respond. I saw her first! I shouted. No you didnt! Jimmy responded Yes I did! No you didnt! This went on for about ten minutes when suddenly, the pinecone spoke. Will you guys please stop arguing? I need to think about a solution. How come you never spoke your answer before? I never needed to. My silence solved your problem. At any rate, I have a solution for you. Find one other girl and both of you ask the both of the girls out. Explain the situation as a double date. Then hopefully you will both be happy. So once again the pinecone saved our friendship. Although, the voice sounded quite a lot like my older brother who had just gotten his degree in ventriloquism. At any rate we once again believed in the awesome reasoning power of the pinecone. Later in senior year we had to decide which colleges we were attending. We both wanted to go to the same college but Jimmy wanted to go to Harvard and I preferred Yale. We took the decision to the pinecone. Oh great and wise pinecone, (We held him in deep respect since talking pinecones must indeed be very smart.) we must decide where to go to college, Freddy wants to go to Yale but I want to go to Harvard, Jimmy said to the pinecone. Do you have a solution for us? I queried him. The pinecone sat there, almost as if it were an inanimate object, rather than a living, talking, sentient being. We concluded from his silence that the solution must be to be separated but to keep in touch. From this solution, however, another problem arose, who would keep the great pinecone when we parted ways? Once again the pinecone had no answer for us. We determined that he could not bear not to see either of us for an extended period of time. We determined that we would share him and that every six months we would switch who took care of him. We also concluded that he would need a mobile home so we put wheels and a 200 horse power motor onto his igloo and reinforced and enlarged it. We also added windows to be road legal. We would chauffeur the pinecone around in his house while he was in our possession. Well, seventy years have passed since then and we are both about to go to nursing homes. We definitely want to spend the rest of our lives together him, the pinecone and me. We ask the pinecone to make his final decision. Should we go to the Happy Dale Retirement Home or the Happy Valley Institute for the Old and Senile? We watch the pinecone for a little bit and suddenly the phone rings. I answer it and discover that the Happy Valley caught fire and burned to the ground, with no casualties at the precise moment that we posed the question. The pinecones decision is final and he will retire with us in Happy Dale and hopefully he wont blow anything else up.
RE: The Pinecone By: Dorothy Marie on 4/30/2001; 6:17 PM Good story! Everything just falls together!
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