Moldi-Snots Surprise

By Katy Kat

I wrote this many years ago, in elementary school. Needless to say, the teachers wouldnt let me read it aloud. This story is a long time favorite of mine, with the ending adapted from tales about 'Calvin and Hobbes' by Bill Waterson.

Moldi-Snots brushed a tear from her eye and kept on running through the darkening forest. Those rotten parents, she thought, they never give me anything I want. Humph! I'm never going back, I hate them so much. I am supposed to be their PRINCESS! Moldi had wanted yet another pony, but after the last one was sold when she didnt take care of it and it bit her from her abuse, her father said 'No.' to a new one. Moldi came from a rather wealthy family, and as an only child, she felt that her parents were there to serve her. It didnt matter if she didn't have any friends, and that the servants hated her. Those stupid servants, I dont even know why we bother to pay them for the crappy little bit of work they do. Moldi tossed her stringy orange hair and snorted. She kept walking pondering her situation. I dont need them, after all the money is mine, and I am the most beautiful girl. In actuallity Moldi had the personality of a slug on steroids. And her face brought convulsive laughter and jokes about her mother having an affair with a pizza. Moldi's frilly lavender dress did nothing to hide the rolls of fat from rolling and jiggling like a bowl full of jello when she moved. Moldi smirked, soon it will be night and some stupid villager will HAVE to take me in and serve me!

Rain began pelting down in another part of the woods and Baby Bear peared out the window. Mama Bear checked the steaming porridge on the stove and went back to mopping her kitchen floors.

'Papa Bear, when is dinner gonna be ready? I'm so hungery!' Papa came over and patted his son's shoulder, 'When Mr. Wolf gets here and tells us our prospects. Besides you know that if you had finished your Miss Riding Hood from this morning, you wouldn't be so hungrey now. And that Brick Pig gravy was mighty tasty.'

Baby sniffed and sighed, 'I know, but I wanted some more of that candy stuffed Gretel, now that Hansel is in the freezer for Christmas.' Papa would have replied but there was a bang on the door.

Mr. Wolf pushed his way in, strong winds kicking up behind him and blowing raindrops inside. He blustered 'PAPA BEAR, PAPA BEAR where are you?' Mama Bear put her hands on her hips and pointed at the door letting the cold in. Mr Wolf sheepishly closed it.

Papa Bear and Baby Bear walked over to Mr. Wolf and Papa said, 'Mr. Wolf whatta got fer us today? Anything good, cause we's wanna eat before Mama's porridge gets cold!'

Mr. Wolf replied, 'I knows that Pappy, and I thank ye kindly fer havin me over fer dinna tonite. We's gonna have the proverbial sucklin pig tonite.' Baby Bear's eyes bugged out and Papa nodded his head.

'She's about a mile outta here, uglier than sin, but right fat and so young and tenda!' Mr. Wolf grinned toothily at Mama Bear, 'Mama wont be havin to do any soffening to this piglet, that's fer sure!'

Mama put away her mop and set out four bowls of steaming porridge on the table. Baby Bear rubbed his hands together.

Papa laughed, 'Well I'll be dipped,' then looking more serious, 'We should be gettin on with the plan tho, if she that close.' Papa pushed Baby towards Mama who ushered him towards the foot of the stairs.

Mr. Wolf nodded his head, 'Now youse be wantin me to wait around the corner of the house till I hear ya holler, when ye've gotter?' Papa nodded, and opened the front door to let Mr. Wolf out.

'I'll be leaving all the lights on especially since tis dusk and we want our dinna!' Papa Bear heaved another chortle out and patted Mr. Wolf on the back as he stepped out into the rain. 'You know, we's gonna wait till she's sittin down at the table, while we're under the stairs waitin.' With that Mr. Wolf disappeared around the corner. Papa joined his mate and cub under the stairway, and pulled the curtain closed. This little part of the house had been his very own idea, after meeting Baby Bear's mother.

Moldi swung her hips and snorted. Humph! Where are all the houses, who is gonna feed me dinner?! I certainly cant fend for myself. IMAGINE! Moldi suddenly stopped and looked around her, it was getting awfully dark and the path wouldnt be visible for long. Moldi would have shuddered if not for her real mink fur coat and thick silk dress. She tied her fur cap under her chins. Well, at least some stupid person had a thought to plant flowers in this ugly forest. Moldi had never been so far from home and naturally hadnt wandered onto this path during any of her previous runnings. She walked quicker now, noticing that this little path was rather inviting, as though someone somewhere was glad to have her on their path. Well, hopefully it means there is a house close by. Moldi kept right on stepping, lighter now that she was sure to find servantry ahead.

Before she knew it a pretty little house came into view. Moldi stopped short before moving on towards the door, having decided that is was acceptable. The house was a small two-story A frame, with flowers galore planted outside. A wood shed filled to the brim was to the right, and a small pond with little golden fish glinting in the last dying rays of sunlight, to the left. Moldi pounded on the heavy wooden door, come on open up you lazy slobs. Someone has to serve me!

Moldi sighed loudly and pounded with both hands, 'Open up in the name of Princess Moldi, you peasants. Little did she know that inside Papa Bear was restraining the giddy Baby Bear from bursting out. Moldi gave up knocking and opened the door.

She surveyed the living room to her left and the tidy kitchen to her right. Moldi noted the steaming bowls of porridge on the table, but first I think I'll rest my tired feet. Moldi made her way to the biggest chair in the living room and began to take off her coat. She barely noticed and didnt care when she flung her coat on the coffee table nocking over a beautiful vase brimming with fresh flowers. Mama Bear heard the crash though and stiffled her own cry of dismay. Moldi knocked over the nearby lamp and sat on the stereo remote.

'Well! If those stupid peasants dont show up soon to serve me, I'll just have to help myself! Moldi kicked off the porcelein figurines on the coffee table and put up her feet. Not a minute later she stood and stretched.

'HELLO? Is anyone here? The porridge is getting cold, and I need some sugar for it!' After recieving no answer Moldi made her way over to the table and sat down.

Suddenly out of nowhere jumped a huge growling grizzley bear. Moldi froze with fright and dropped her spoon. With a roar Papa bear grabbed her arm and pulled her up out of the chair. A thin yellow stream trickled from Moldi's under garments as she shivered.

Baby Bear ran up behind Papa and shouted 'SURPRISE! Can I get yer axe Papa, can I?'

Papa Bear shouted 'Mr. Wolf I got her, I got her! Baby go get my axe!' Mama had rushed into the living room to clean up the broken vase. Mr. Wolf jumped through the front door slamming it behind. He took a giant step up next to Papa Bear and began to wrap her with rope.

Moldi began to whimper and cry, 'I dont wanna die! I dont wanna die! I'm too young to die!'

Papa Bear growled and Mr. Wolf slapped her, 'Shaddup, beech, we know yer type!' He had viewed all of her behavior and heard her talking.

'Please, PLEASE! I dont wanna die, uh-uh, I am too beautiful to die!' SNIFF! SNIFF! Baby bear ran up to back door in the kitchen and opened it with a slam. He marched over to his Papa with the axe as Papa finished tying Moldi.

'Papa, Papa, I got yer axe! Can I help?!' Papa shook his head and took the large axe as Mr. Wolf grabbed up Moldi.

'I dont wanna die, I dont wanna die, I'll pay you. (SNIFF, SNIFF) I'll even work for you! I'll do almost anything you want!' Moldi continued to scream and cry ever louder, and kicked her fat legs much to the drooling Mr. Wolf's delight.

Mama stepped around the guys in the kitchen and opened the back door, 'Now, you boys will not be doin that on my clean kitchen floors! I just mopped these all up! How many times have I got to remind you Papa to take the animals out to the chopping block?!'

Papa nodded grinning, Baby rushed out and Mr. Wolf took up the kicking feet. After Mama closed the back door she smiled at Moldi's screams of terror and pleading, 'NO! NO! I dont wanna die! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO----!'

THWACK! And all was suddenly quiet. Mama set out a clean spoon, puting the one that Moldi had dropped in the sink. Soon Papa came in proudly bearing huge, large, medium, and small sized peices of dripping Moldi. He slapped down the hunks of fresh meat and plopped into the biggest chair gesturing for Mr. Wolf and his family to sit.

Before Baby Bear had a chance to dip in, Papa closed his eyes and said thanks, 'Mighty King in the Sky Forest, we surely do give you our thanks this day for our delicious oppportunity. Without Your help, Mama's, Baby's and Mr. Wolf's help some of this could possibly be inedible. Amen.'

With that Papa Bear, Mr. Wolf, Mama, and Baby picked up their respectively sized peices and after dipping them into their porridge all took big bites. For dessert they dined on left over Candied Rump Roast of Gretel and Blood-Wine. Everyone lived happily ever after, except Moldi-Snots. Even her parents enjoyed a new freedom that hadnt been in their lives since Moldi came about. THE END!

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