USA: The Greatest Country in the World

By Brian Webber

The Unites States is a retarded country.

Yeah I said it!

Don't believe me? Just look at our President. Better yet, just look at a picture of a chimp. Our president represents what’s wrong with this country. Last time I checked, most people voted for the other guy. Go figure.

The election system is not my main concern though. Oh no. It is the legal drinking age. We live in a country where at age 18 we are allowed to gamble, buy porno, and buy a gun. In other words, the man would rather see me holding a loaded deadly weapon than a bottle containing non heart piercing liquid. When these crazy idiots go shooting up their school, did they go around with a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon?

Stupid country. What’s up with the censorship system? Giant Food supermarkets are now putting up a “protective binder” in front of Cosmopolitan magazines to “protect” young children. Protect from what? The evil cover woman? In Giant’s eyes the cover woman on Cosmo is obviously not as evil as the woman on the protective binderless Vogue magazine next to it.

Another thing that pisses me off is the way TV insults viewers’ intelligence by bleeping out cuss words. Why do they go to so much trouble to bleep out the “u” in the word fuck, but they are too goddamn stupid to bleep out the “f” and the “ck.” Hmmm, I wonder what Fck means. They do this to the word shit as well, bleeping out the I. Also, why do they blur middle fingers? I think if a blurry hand is in the air people are gonna read the sign language anyway. Speaking of middle fingers, I was on my way to school one morning and some little old lady cuts ME off and then gives ME the finger. Not the thumb, or index, or pinkie, or ring. And it wasn’t even blurred out! What’s she so mad about? Was the cashier at the supermarket a bitch to her? Did she hit a parked car and actually got caught for once? It doesn’t matter. Just remember. If you have the means, go to Canada. Now!

End of rant.

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