Usage of Quotes 8

By Brian Webber

For Usage of Quotes part 8, I think I'll try something differnet. Instead of commenting on all of them, or none of them as I have done in the past, I will comment on some, but leave no comment on others.

"A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." - Mitch Ratcliffe, "Technology Review" (1992)

You can't deny the humor in this statement, because it is true.

"Keyboard missing - press F3 to continue" - Message seen on an Apricot PC

I didn't know that Ronald Reagen and George W. Bush designed computers!

"Windows 95: 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand for 1 bit of competition." - Unknown

"If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it! This is the most dangerous E-Mail virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty, drink all your beer, make you fall in love with a penguin, give you nightmares about circus midgets, leave the toilet seat up and kill your dog." - Badtimes Virus Alert

The sad thing is, I can see someone inventing avirus that would do something like that.

"There are only two sentences you need to remember to survive in life:
I have no recollection of the events in question.
The cat did it." - Kat

That is so true. I might be in jail right now if not for that second sentence. :-)

"What has been the fruits of Christianity? ...Superstition, bigotry and persecution." - James Madison, 4th president of the U.S.

"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence." - Bertrand Russell

"Its paradoxical that the idea of living long appeals to everyone but no one wants to get old." - Andy Rooney

Did you ever notice? Seriously though he has a good point. People seems obseesed with the idea of living to be 100, regardless of the possible consequences, such as organ failure, inability to perfrom menial tasks, etc.

"I've learned not to put things in my mouth that are bad for me." - Monica Lewinsky (on CNN's Larry King Live discussing her weight-loss)

"I have never smuggled anything in my life. Why, then, do I feel an uneasy sense of guilt on approaching a customs barrier?" - John Steinbeck

I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has that problem. Mercifully I've only flown twice in my entire life.

"Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car." - Laurence J. Peter

"Human beings can always be relied upon to assert, with vigor, their God-given right to be stupid." - Dean Koontz, Seize The Night

I know people who protect this 'right' more furiously then any part of the Bill of Rights.

"Fuck you I won't do what you tell me." - Rage Against The Machine, Killing In The Name

"I don't know if I really buy that there's a connection between violent TV and violent behavior. I mean, I grew up watching a steady diet of Mannix, Krazy Kat cartoons, and Combat, and I'm so nonconfrontational I make Deepak Chopra look like Oddjob." - Dennis Miler

Same here. I grew up listening to rock music, and playing violent video games, and look at me. I'm all bark and no bite!

"The Bible is the greatest hoax in all history. The leading characters of the Old Testament would today be in the penitentiary and those of the New would be under observation in psychopathic wards." - Charles Smith (1887-1964) U.S. attorney, author

OK, maybe the fact that he's a lawyer DOES damage his credibility a tad, but then not all lawyers are ambulance chasing amoral idiots you know.

"Define irony. A bunch of guys dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band who died in a plane crash." - Steve Buscemi, Con Air

That's as good a definition as any.

"A drowning man, does not die silently
You can feel, the final warning
And the black, money follows
Through the viens, of the shallow
Change the name, to protect the guilty
You'll never leave Sin City
Where you are King."
- Meredith Brooks, Sin City

I just really like that song. It's on her album Deconstruction, and the soundtrack for the movie Snake Eyes in case you're interested in hearing the whole thing, cause that was just the chorus.

"If you've never seen an elephant ski, you've never been on acid." - Eddie Izzard

"There is only one Earth captain who has survived a battle with a Minbari ship. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else!" - Mira Furlan, Babylon 5

Felt the urge to sneak in another Babylon 5 quote. And it's a good one, no?
"Play "Strip Risk". It is the only game in which you can say, 'I've conquered Algeria, now give me your pants!'" - Mike Ludders

Now that ain't a bad idea! Too bad the only people who will ever play Risk with me are ugly. :-(

"Love and law are the same. Romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection." - Calista Flockhart, Ally McBeal

"I do have to admit that once the episode revealed that that the girls killed their dads because of a chromosomal predisposition, I made a note to have my daughter tested for that 'exsanguinate your father' gene." - Phill Farrand, The Nitpicker's Guide For X-Philes

I think I'm going to do the same thing, just becuase kids today scare the fuck out of me.

"The more you play with us, the bigger we get" - Bethesda Softworks official slogan

Well, you can't exactly call that false advertising can you?

"When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom." - Rule of Feline Frustration

Don't I know it. In my house we have more cats than a Jerusalem phone book!

"All tapes left in a car for more than about a fortnight metamorphose into 'Best of Queen' albums." - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens

Free Plug Time! Terry Gilliam is currently directing a film version of this pretty funny book.

"The chance of the bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the value of the carpet." - Jennings Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity

Also, the harder it is to get blood out of a certain fabric the more likely you are to develop a nose bleed. I've lost two perfectly good silk shirts because I suddenly had a gusher.

"There's no "I" in "team", but there's one in "Kiss my ass!" - Slayer

Slayer, in case you didn't know, was recently the subject of a VH1 Where Are They Now special.

"Love your enemies, they'll hate it!" - Unknown

"God is playing a comic to an audience that's afraid to laugh." - Voltaire

"Once there was a time when all people believed in God and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages." - Unknown

"God save me from your followers." - Bumper sticker

"This is an issue that concerns me deeply, because I, am a victim of media violence. Every movie I'm in, I get killed halfway through. I'm like the guy on Star Trek in the red shirt." - Dennis Miller

"All the darkness in the world could not put out the light of one small candle." - Found on a Jewish Holocaust victim's headstone

Talkback: Post Reply | View replies (1)