Usage of Quotes 5

By Brian Webber

This time I shall simply post the quotes, without actually commenting on any of them. I'll simply sit back and read what other people have to say about them.

-

"The ability to speak does not make you intelligent." - Liam Neeson, Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dis-" - General Sedgewick, killed at the Spotsylvania battle 1864, imprudently looking over the parapet at the enemy lines

"The only reason so many people attended his funeral was they wanted to make sure he was dead." - Samuel Goldwyn on Louis B. Mayer's funeral

"What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet." - Woody Allen

"Some people are alive today simply because it is against the law to kill them." - Unknown

"You don't automatically become a rocket scientist just becuase I'm dumber than you!" - Danny Bonaduce, from the Jamie & Danny Show

"If you're saying you didn't know cigarettes were bad for you, you're lying thorugh that hole in your trachea." - Dennis Miller

"The more things change, the more they suck." - Butt-head, Beavis & Butt-head

"Man, I haven't seen an Englishman take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!" - A "sports announcer" on South Park

"Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off." - Unknown

"Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles." - Pat Paulsen

"Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?" - Clarence Darrow

"The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale." - Arthur C. Clarke (NOTE: For those of you who think this quote sounds familiar, it's tag at the end of the newsletter for my website).

"Words - so innocent and powerless as they are, as standing in a dictionary, how potent for good and evil they become in the hands of one who knows how to combine them." - Nathaniel Hawthorne

"I think that technologies are morally neutral until we apply them. It's only when we use them for good or for evil that they become good or evil." - William Gibson

"I object to you. I object to intellect without discipline. I object to power without constructive purpose." - Leonard Nimoy, Star Trek: The Original Series

"For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across--which happened to be the Earth -- where due to a terribble miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidently swallowed by a small dog" - Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

"Once I tried to kill myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying." - Stephen Wright

Scrawled in BIG ANGRY RED letters: "I FUCKED your mother!!!"
Neatly printed in small calm blue letters: "Go home dad, you're drunk."
- Toilet graffiti

"The reason attempted suicide is illegal: The government can't tax you if you're dead." - Unknown "Profanity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers." - Graffitti on bathroom wall at UAH

"Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective." - P.J. O'Rourke "If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me instead." - Bobcat Goldthwait

"Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups." - Unknown

"Life is like a box of choclates. It's a cheap thoughtless perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable becuase all you ever get back is another box of chocolates, so you're stuck with this unidentifiable whipped mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing left to eat. Sure, once in a while there's a peanut butter cup or an English toffee, but they're gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. So you end up with up with nothing but broken bits with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts. If you're desperate enough to eat that, all you have left is an empty box filled with useless brown paper wrappers." - Cancer Man, Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man, The X-Files

"Eat right, exercise, die anyway." - Unknown

Talkback: Post Reply | View replies (1)