UnHappiness

By Umal Ikram Nasir

Unhappiness, seldom do we realize what a strong word it is. But I am here to use it, define it, give it new meaning and depth, In my own little way I want to contribute to it's negativity. I am as a person, unhappy; my life is not full of colors, much as I'd like it to be, I am sitting here at three in the morning on my computer typing out these words, My whole world is swimming before my eyes as a headache catches on, My vision is becoming blurry with no sleep and unshed tears, I want to shout, cry, rant, throw a right tantrum, but I can't. No one pays any heed; everybody's too lost in their own lil world to care at all, It's like a hard impenetrable shell I have built around my emotional soul, Nothing can get through to know the real me, the person hidden at the rock bottom, At the bottom of all these layers of pretend sweetness and my ordinary entity. Listening to a collection of world-weary songs as my head throbs from insomnia and nausea takes over, I try to interpret the emotional drive behind every word of the strong voice, Trying to analyze whether the person had once upon a time felt such an emotional void as mine today, right now. I finally give up as the pain in my neck shoots right up and I shudder uncontrollably. What has caused me to come to this morbid and sorry state, you ask? Well my dear people it was not one, but a collection of incalculable things which made me seek solace here today in poetry. My family, my dragging life, my financial condition, my frustration, my boredom, my emotions of love and care missing the opposite sex, My feeling of helplessness, despair, chaos and fear, all have caused me to stay alert for forthcoming hurdles. I have become "comfortably numb", emotionless. But wait, I still have one single valid emotion, that of unhappiness. Yes, that is the very feeling that has taken over my mind, body and soul. Every moment, each second I feel as if the whole world will turn against me and charge and barrel me down like a poor little dummy. I feel so cynical, so pessimistic, so sadistic, so dark that even the freshness of the winter morning sun seems to me bright and despicable. A Bed Of Thorns has taken the place of my childhood Roses, the place of my happy go lucky youth, the place of my nonchalant happiness. I feel so filled up with an unstoppable flow of negative emotions, I am so caught up in my own misery that happiness dare not pass me by. And forever, it seems like this feeling is here to stay forever, Fucking Eternity.

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