The Lost Writings of Rotten Turnipseed: Reaction to the news them Arab fellars never ran no toll booth.

By Richard Davidson

Now, that jest ain't right. The irresponsiblity a the nation's press is abhorrent in this here case. First of all, they reported that the fellars said, "If you think they cried on 911, wait'll they see 9/13."

Them newsfolks said that! In my mind, them boys was tried, convicted, hung, and maybe even drawn and quartered.

There was a bizarre moment wher CNN had a guy on from the local law enforcement sayin' "it's premature to say this was some kind of hoax," while that ther little crawl screen at the bottom was sayin' "Florida Terrorist Threat Hoax..."

Ain't that a stitch?

The fellar's right there on the TV sayin' it might not be a hoax, and that there crawl is sayin' it is? I ain't never seen nothin' like it, in all my born days. And them folks wonder why so many people seem confused these days.

So a lotta folks is sayin', "well them there fellars ran a tollbooth, taunted some bomb sniffin' dogs with beef jerky, and were jabberin' in one a them Arab languages about killin' everybody in America with a name startin' with A-L."

And it's bein' reported by every news outlet in the whole durn country!

Now, I'd be one ta tell ya, some a them ther facts was actually exaggerations. And it turns out, them fellars didn't have no beef jerky 'tall! So then a fellar comes on and says one a them fellars said, "that woman was starin' at us, so we decided ta have some fun, and talk about murderin' infidels."

Turns out, that never happened, either, but they sure reported it like it did.

So then the fellars go on TV, and they say, "we were talking about bringin' a car down from Kansas, not no damn terrorist attacks," and ta my utter disbelief, do you know what people was sayin' next?????

They was sayin', "say, them fellars sure do change ther story alot!"

Far as I know, them fellars only told the one story.

Seems like everybody else kinda made up ther own stories, jest like they been doin' lately.

So then everybody's all talkin' about, "well why'd them fellars have the wrong license plates on one a them ther cars, anyhow?"

But that didn't happen neither. Everybody had the right license plates, and some State fellar messed up, but didn't hesitate ta report it to the media.

So now we got folks askin', "well why'd them ther fellars run a tollbooth, if they were so allfired innocent?"

Which looks like a stupid question when ya consider nobody ran no tollbooth.

Now, half of America had these boys tried, convicted, and hung on the first day, and then folks try ta say "this Agnes or Ingrid, or whatever, was doin' her civic duty."

But down here on the farm, we know that woman was a fool, who let her paranoia of people who ain't like 'er make 'er see somethin' that wasn't there.

She should be the first ta admit it. She was sayin', "I only heard snippets a the conversation, and they was sayin', 'd'ya think we can bring it down,' er 'we'll need more ta bring it down,' er somethin' about bringin' somethin' down, and since they looked jest like them other terrorist fellars, I naturally assumed they was talkin' about bringin' down another buildin' er somethin' with explosives, even though them other terrorists didn't use no explosives, they used planes."

So basically, these here fellars were drivin' ta Florida, stopped fer a bite, set back out ta drivin', and had 75 patrol cars and 7 helicopters pull 'em over ta bust ther suitcases open with water cannons, not knowin' that ther pictures were bein' sent all over America with the caption "Terrorist Hoaxster" written below.

And now, no matter how many times anybody tells what really happened, these here boys'll wear that label ferever.

Half of America will always think they're "The Enemy," no matter what.

It's like my dear, departed granpappy used ta say:

"Ain't no need ta ever be scared a nuthin'. If a situation arises, one must deal with it. 'till it does, a wise person'll do what he can ta be prepared. But if ya let yer imagination run away with ya, you'll see enemies where there ain't none. I seen it happen with Japanese Americans in WWII, and I seen it happen in the '50's, and I seen it happen right here in this town when they darn near strung up a kid, jest 'cause Old Man McMurphy misplaced his wallet, and his daughter'd run off again."

Nothin' scarier than a mob a angry townspeople with torches.

'Specially if they's packin'.

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