I look around my immediate surroundings: pictures of people who hold their own special parts of my soul; memorabilia of home; big kid toys - a printer/scanner/copier, a computer, iPod, digicam; my books; letters from and to home; sticky notes with memos, notes, and fun quotes. . . My view expands: the Klimt painting hung on my wall; the beautiful Boticelli statue that guards my desk; black and white pictures of my Mom; more pictures; a directory of contact info; a calendar; a copy of my schedule; an inch-by-inch-covered memo/cork board. . . Farther out: storage containers with daily living supplies and food; cultural memorabilia from all my travels; my mask collection; a refrigerator; a piano; strangers turned friends and living companions. . . My gaze shifts out my window, and in my mind I am looking at my house from in front of it. It's a great place, by the beach, mine. I can see my cat sitting in the window from where I stand in my mind.
And within the camera from whose lense we are viewing: It is the shade of that indescribable backdrop you see when you close your eyes. Appointments and assignments, people and plans drift by, much like floating cotton in the spring time: slow enough to follow, but just crafty enough to slip through your fingers every time you reach for it. Though the ultimate goal is to get everything moving in the same direction, I realize that my only immediate task is to get everything settled into an equilibrium. A spinning car must stop spinning before it can establish a direction to pursue.
My twenty sixth birthday approaches quickly. I hear someone call me a woman.
I'm not a woman, I think.
I'm still just a teenager, beginning to establish a miniscule place on this rock we all traverse. But then I must acknowledge that I have now crossed a bridge that has been burned behind me, and its origin was swept away like a dream. . . and on the way I have jumped through many a life altering hoop; this journey from college newbie to full-fledged San Diegan; moments that made me catch my breath; moments that will bring me many sentimental memories for years to come. . .
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