i wish youd close your eyes, refuse to see my soul exposed to the fulest extreme of black. be ashamed by me so i feel justified in your beauty... for if i am the blackest missive of night shed upon me your beams of light. just look away. dont make me feel guilt. i hate that feeling like I owe you something i cant repay because only you can see the debt. So dont look at me. just stop. dont be nice to me either. i hate that feeling that i might care again. i dont want to care. i want to hate. I want to tempt but not tempted. i want to draw but not be drawn. I want to never be satisfied in my knowledge. Knowing that I am not omniscient, and so therefore never acting thus. I desire not to fufill my pride in viewing my thoughts as superior. i desire not to voice my opinion when someone more knowledgable is speaking. I desire not to speak to be heard and approved, but to speak and have a thought considered. I will not make my will the reason for a task, instead find the logical reason. I will search my motives for a true reason of good purpose, not be caught among trivialities. I will allow others to organize with their purpose and will not force my reasoning onto them by unreasonable means. I will by all means attempt to be logical. If i disagree with one tending toward anger, I will try more silence. i will ignore what i know will anger me, still noting the opinion without the flame. i will believe the best of everyone until proven otherwise. I will not generalize people, other than in jest. I will not put faith in rumours, only thinking of them as a changing variable, a reflection of the public impression. I will not devote time to the spreading of such, nor will i speak of them to others unless i trust them to understand the full unreliability of a rumour. I will not trust those i feel i cannot trust. i will play those who play me. i will keep secrets. i will divulge them only when i have judged from circumstances that they are fruitless in the dark. i will be trustable. i will listen and consider in my heart. i will not promote what i do not know to be true. i will be unphased by cruelty. i will be impartial to the life of another who has rejected my love. i will consider stupidity only by the consequences. i will withold my emotions. I will weep to the inanimate who will not think deep thoughts. I will not allow myself to become angry over something said in ignorance. i will allow a blind man who refuses to see to stay blind. i will not play the hypocrite. i will not put on a mask of congeniality immediately after being angry when talking to a total stranger. i will not promote a different excepted appearance to outsider that i cannot keep on my own. i will not sweep the dirt under the rug. I will destroy it first as habit before i will allow anyone to believe that i am so. i will not lead one to a lie. I will not lie. i will not. or desire such. i will contemplate, and always love. that is a desire.
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