A Tribute to the Dead

By demonchild13

What? Jack can't be dead. No, no, he was supposed to get better; he was supposed to come back. Jack was invincible, he just can't be dead.

All I could do was stare at my mom who told me those two words. I desperately tried to make my mouth work but it rebelled and I stayed silent still staring. What was I supposed to say? Oh sorry yeah so when's the funeral?

No.

"Yeah I know." she said softly and finally I managed to speak.

I needed to say something to get my mind off him. "That's a mood killer." I managed to whisper.

She managed to smile a little but I felt worse than before. Jack couldn't be dead, no he was my grandfather. Well okay he wasn't but he was my surrogate grandfather since my other one was dead. Him and Norman. But now both of them were dead.

And what about Rachel? She was only 12 and yet she had no grandpas. My cousin, I should've spent more time with her before we left. She was so funny and I remember how she looked at Norman's funeral. Her normally smiling face was slightly pale and I could see tears in her eyes. But then she had perked up when she got to annoy Julio.

“The service is on August 5 but we have a problem.” My mom said and I looked at her in disbelief.

“What’s going on the 5th?” I asked not caring really because no matter what I was going to the funeral to pay my respects.

“That’s the first day of your soccer tournament.” She told me and waited expectantly for an answer.

“Oh, well can’t I just miss the first day?” I asked and she nodded.

As soon as I got the nod I grabbed my notebooks lying around and my iPod and headed upstairs to my room, dazed.

How could it be that I was never going to see his gentle smile or hear his laugh again? This couldn’t be happening. How could a man full of so much life be gone? I hoped that maybe this was all just a nightmare.

I don’t want to see another casket of a loved one. This wasn’t fair! The family was still recovering from Norman dying. I sometimes still cried at night because I never got to know my grandfather. Our pain never stopped but we somehow managed to bear it.

I loved Jack. He would talk to me all the time during a family reunion and he would ask how I was doing in school, what was going on in my life, he would ask me anything and he would wait for an answer. He cared! He loved me just as much as others did and just being Lisa’s niece was good enough for him. When I first remember meeting him he immediately stood up and gave me a large hug. He hadn’t even met me and yet he was already giving me hugs and kisses, asking how I was! He always had something interesting to say, always had something going on. Even though he was old he still enjoyed life.

And right now there are millions of people who don’t even care that such a special man is gone. They don’t care that Rachel’s family is crying or that I keep thinking that it’ impossible that I’m not going to see him smile again for a very long time. But hey life doesn’t hold any guarantees does it? I feel like I’m going to throw up now, there’s a weird feeling in my stomach that I always get when I visit my grandfather’s urn and when I was at Norman’s funeral just last year.

I don’t want the soccer team to look at me weird and I don’t want to go around like nothing’s different. Because it is. Why am I still making jokes? I don’t know the answer to any of my questions but yeah one of these days maybe I’ll know.

That sick feeling is still there. But here I was nearly crying about someone a barely knew. How was Rachel feeling? She had seen to many caskets in her short life. We both barely knew the grandpa we shared because we were so little when he died. Come to think of it I don’t even know how he died. And how was Jack’s wife feeling? Tears form in my eyes. NO! NO! This wasn’t right. But right now I wasn’t sure how things were going to be between us when she came over next week. Would she want to be alone? Would she still smile? I just don’t know. I guess I don’t know her that well after all. I made a vow to myself that I would know everyone I love better and so when they were dead I’d be able to look back and laugh at all the good times we had together. One of my only regrets is that it took someone as special as Jack and Norman to die for me to understand.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I miss you Jack but I know you’re in a better place now and you aren’t sick anymore. I know you’re watching over our family. One day I’ll see you again and we’ll catch up on what we’ve missed. We may not have been related but I love you like I love my family. I guess this is for the better because I know how bad being sick is. I hope one day I’ll know you better and that’s my only regret. Not knowing you as well as I should have. But I promise that I’ll live and love like you did. This is my tribute to you Jack and I’ll never say you’re gone because somehow I still think your special smile is and always will be with us."

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