A Semi-Demented Guide to College Dorm Life

By Evan

I figured since a number of you guys are getting prepared for college life, I should come up for some advice about living in the dorm so you can know what to expect. Of course you must remember that I'm demented, and if you believe in any sort of social conformity, my advice my

1. The four necessities of life in college are food, water, air, and computer games (or any other activity that diverts attention from the other three necesities).

2. Generally water and air are easily obtained, however, if you don't have a job while in college (in order to focus on your studies and/or social life) food is difficult to obtain and its best to substitute more computer games (or other diversion) for food.

3. Additionally you can always eat out of trash cans, however as the semester progresses there will be less and less obtainable nourishment from the trash cans as students will not be throwing away what food they can get .

4. If the bathroom is a long way down the hall keep a large cup by your bed so that if you wake up in the middle of the night and have to go to the bathroom you can just do it in the cup (I only reccomend pee peeing in the cup and not pooping as its a bit difficult to aim precisely with poop) Also this works best if you can seal the container or if your room has a sink in which to dump the cup.

5. Socializing............hmmmm I don't really know anything about social activities in college. I guess you could join some clubs or run around with a puppet (which works for me). 6. Always wipe your feet before getting in bed. It's unbelievable how much grit there can be on dorm floors. As there is no telling what this stuff is its not good to have it in your bed. Who knows it might have cause a nuclear explosion while you sleep.

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